I’ve had a strange week, with all sorts of stuff bubbling up. No doubt I’ll post on this as it becomes more bearable.
One of the things troubling me has been the connections between things. A joining of dots, if you will. For years I’ve gone along thinking I was a “normal” person, albeit with a few eccentricities. Ok, ok, more than eccentricities – a few crazy and dysfunctional behaviours. But “normal” just the same.
Now that I’m in therapy, and starting to deal with all that “heinous shyt from my past” as BTC would call it, I’m starting to wonder if these things are connected – to each other, and to the past. Perhaps my therapist is right when she says many of these things are responses to trauma.
It’s a scary realisation to think that not only are these things connected, but you really are more FITH than you thought. It makes me question if there is any point, any hope that I will deal with all this stuff, and perhaps one day be even more “normal”.
Kerro's Korner 
I am constantly becoming aware of connections these days.
For me, I’m not so much hoping that therapy will help me become “normal,” but rather, I’m hoping that the process will (a) help me make more sense of what’s happened/happening; (b) develop some semblance of comfort level with what brought me to the place I am now; and (c) make better informed choices based on what I learn. Mostly it’s about (b) for me these days. Hope that makes sense.
Thanks Bird. It makes sense – I’d like all of those things. In truth I’d like that formerly intelligent and high functioning person in me to come back again. I’m not sure where she is, but I want her back!