I don’t know what’s going on with me this week. Somewhere along the path to sanity there was one too many straws on this camel’s back and I lost it. I’ve been (metaphorically) kicking and screaming like a bratty little kid again.
Actually, there are some reasons – at least these are the straws that proved too much. One – the doctor’s office *lost* my allergy shots and now, after six months of anti-cat shots, and nearly $1000 in doctor’s fees, I have to start all over again. Sigh. Second – I’m still sick from when I got sick on my trip. It’s driving me insane. I had tests this week, but no results as yet. Three – I don’t even know what three is anymore, because all these things are so petty.
Somehow this has all lead to the two year old on the inside coming out and reigning supreme. It’s like she’s done a swap with my adult self, and I don’t know how to reverse it. I’m p*ssy at the world, and my therapist, for no good reason at all.
All the irrational thoughts and feelings I once had, and seemed to have rationalised back where they belong, have come screaming forth. All the stuff about the world being against me, my therapist *hating* me, my therapist abandoning me, me being useless… blah blah blah. It’s all back. I even cried at the doctor’s office today – quelle horreur!
I don’t know how to get it back under control. I’ve tried rationalising; I’ve tried talking to the little kid (but who can talk to a toddler in the midst of a tantrum?); I’ve tried resting/soothing … I don’t know what else to try. It’s like two years of therapy have just vanished – poof!
Please, adult self, wherever you are, ple-e-a-a-se come back!