Moving mountains

Why is it that depression and anxiety leave you feeling like the smallest things are like moving mountains?

As if life isn’t exhausting enough, just getting up in the mornings and getting to work leave me feeling like I’ve run a marathon – mentally as well as physically. Of course, being at work is another Olympic event altogether these days. Of course, there’s the hammering I’m getting from the bosses, but also all the “little” things I struggle with each day, like talking to colleagues, making phone calls, attending meetings, getting my brain to function in a manner that vaguely resembles how it would normally … they’re all like climbing Mount Everest.

Don’t get me wrong – most of my colleagues are just delightful, and there isn’t a group I’d rather work with. I guess it’s just my tendency to Hermitville and feeling like every little thing is an assault in every possible way that leave me reeling. I become so focussed on the assaults that I forget the grounding stuff; the being ‘in the moment’ stuff; even the breathing thing, which I know just compounds it all.

I’m trying to remember to “celebrate” the small steps forward – like the getting up and the getting to work parts; even talking to other people can be a milestone. But for a medal-winning expert self-flagellator like me it isn’t easy. Sigh.

6 thoughts on “Moving mountains

  1. Hugs to you, Kerro. Focus as much as you can on the victories, and on the grounding work that lets you get through the day. With as much stress as you have, getting through the day is, in itself, a huge and impressive accomplishment.

  2. I agree with David. At the end of the day, the fact you fought through everything to keep surviving is a big deal. Incredibly difficult and seemingly insurmountable? Definitely. Small steps Kerro, and you can keep yourself in the game.

  3. I feel this way in waves. Seems like every 2 weeks for a couple of days I can’t stand any of them and then I’m laughing the days away with the same ones. Right now, I don’t have any advice on focusing other than to try to “wait it out”. Hang in there – it will change.

  4. You’ve gone through, and are continuing, to go through so much Kerro… Try to take it one moment at a time…

    Sending positive thoughts your way,

  5. Hi everyone, so sorry again for not replying to your lovely comments. I’m trying hard to believe that I really am overloaded with stress and am doing ok. Hard, though, with an inner critic who excels at what she does. I’ve been doing ok since this post. There are the usual ups and downs, and a day or two of hiding under the doona, but mostly I’ve been ok. I hope you’re all ok too. ((hugs)) to those who want them.

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