So 2011 is finally over. I say ‘finally’ coz it was a pretty awful year for me. Completely sucky, actually. As always, the start of a new year is a time for reflection – what went well, what didn’t, what we learned, and what we’re striving for in the New Year.
2011 was such a whirlwind for me, it’s really hard to sort out what’s mine and what’s external. In some respects I feel I lost myself a bit this last year. Part of that, I think, is not spending as much time reflecting, blogging and working on myself. I got caught up in events in my life, perhaps not surprisingly. Anyway, here goes for a recap of 2011.
My year in review
I learned that some friends can be relied upon, and some can’t. And sometimes it’s not how you expect it to be, though perhaps if you’d looked harder you might have seen what’s what a lot earlier. Oh, the power of hindsight!
I learned we can’t have everything we want in life, no matter how much we wish for something or how hard we try.
I learned that I’m really cr@p at dealing with my emotions. I also learned this is why I have a well-oiled self-destruct switch.
I learned, and moved a step towards accepting that I may always be FITH. I don’t like it, but part of me’s just giving in to it.
I learned that my life is much nicer without my father around, but that he can still haunt me from the grave.
I think I also learned that it’s our relationships in life that really matter. More on that in a not-to-distant future post.
And that we should never take our loved ones for granted. The small stuff really doesn’t matter.
So, on to my hopes for 2012.
My biggest hope is that I get more (quality) time with Mum. This is obviously something I have little control over. I’ll find out next week what the prognosis is.
I’d also like to spend a bit more time on “me” – physically, as well as emotionally. So fingers crossed for more blog posts this year, peeps!
And I want to spend more time doing creative things – they’re great for my soul. Photography, and most recently knitting.
I’d like to keep my job. I’d like to get better at managing my job with a completely out of control and somewhat f***ed up life. Or give up completely.
I’d like a holiday. And world peace. Not too much to ask for, is it?
Kerro's Korner 
I’m sorry 2011 was such a rough year for you (((Kerro))). Through all the nastiness, it seems like you’ve learned from it all…
I hope you get to spend some quality time with your mother, and take more time for yourself – you deserve that healing and attention.
Please take care of yourself,
CG
It really was a shit year for you…but what I notice is that you made it to the other side with your sense of humor and sense of balance intact…intact enough to know where you are out of balance. It’s very easy to lose that sense completely under the kind of stress you’ve been experiencing, so I think it’s huge that you’ve kept that barometer working.
Life is a work in progress. From your POV, because you’re in it, your progress might be hard to see. But for those of us who are holding up “Go, Kerro!” signs along the road, we keep getting to move to a different piece of the road, because it’s obvious to us that you’re in motion. The things you’ve learned, and the things you want, bear witness to your growth.
I think 2012 will be a year of gifts you give to yourself, and those are the best kind. We’ll be here to support you.
You have a lot to be proud of in all that you have gone through and weathered this last year. I wish the same for you as David has, a year of gifts that you give to yourself. I recall a quote that says, our life and talents are a gift given to us from the universe, what we do with it is a gift to others. You are an incredible gift to others, I hope that in the same way you can be a wonderful gift to yourself this coming year.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
Thanks Castorgirl. I NEED that time for myself. Not having it is killing me at the moment. Yet having it makes me feel guilty. Perhaps that’s just because I’m not at home. ((hugs)) to you.
Thanks David, I hope you’re right about 2012. I like how you’re always able to see the silver lining. I wish I was able to do that. At the moment things seem so out if balance, as you say, I feel barely able to see to tomorrow – let alone the bloody silver lining as well!
Thank you Kate, I really like that quote. I wish I felt like a gift!
Oh sweet Kerro,
You have always been a gift to me, since I first found you. It is often a bitter pill that we, as abuse survivors, don’t feel what we truly are. I think that one of the best gifts of healing is that we begin to get a glimmer of our true selves, our true value, and the true gift that we are and can be to others.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
Thanks Kate, you are so sweet. You’re right, we don’t, as survivors, always feel what we are.