Busy times and bomb shells

Oh wow, I just realised how long it is since I posted. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve written in my head in the last few weeks. I just seem to run out of time when it comes to the actual writing and posting part, although I wish I wouldn’t, because then it wouldn’t seem like such a huge catch up!

To say that life is busy is an understatement. I’m completely worn out. I reached breaking point about a week ago, so I took a couple of days off work. It wasn’t a cure-all, but it did help. At least I had one less thing to think about and do. I go back to work tomorrow and while part of me is looking forward to it, most of me isn’t. I really like my job, and l really enjoy the work, but it adds a whole other level of stress that I just don’t need, and feel I can’t cope with right now.

I read online that this is apparently the life of a “carer”. The time I used to spend blogging, reading, watching TV or even just staring into space is now all consumed with what I call “Mum stuff” – driving to and from the hospital, making calls to health providers, running errands, keeping up with her mail and her bills, answering calls from her friends, managing her pets, blah blah blah. Most days there’s just too much to think about, and certainly too much to do. It’s almost no wonder I reached breaking point, really. I’m not sure how to balance it all, though the carer sites I’ve read tell me this is KEY to holding it all together. (Yea, no sh** Sherlock, but HOW???)

I’m pleased to say I’ve been going to the gym semi-regularly. It feels good! Of course, my excess weight hasn’t miraculously dropped off, nor my fitness miraculously returned, but it’s a start, and I’ve noticed changes already. My fitness has improved (I’ve gone from near cardiac arrest after 5 minutes on the bike, to near cardiac arrest after 15 or 20 minutes on the bike 😉 ) and I’ve noticed a dramatic improvement in the body tension that no longer cripples me every day. Thanks again to my BFF for reminding me of this! It’s almost enough incentive to make me keep going 😉

My house is driving me mental. It’s a complete tip. My ironing pile, usually well controlled because I quite enjoy ironing, is about to spill over into next door’s yard. Excess mail is piled up, and my car is a sea of newspapers, delivered over successive weekends, but never quite read. I live in quite a small house that is severely short of storage. Everywhere I look there is junk – some of it mine, much of it Mum’s. I made a start on it yesterday, cleared out space in some cupboards in “Mum’s room” (formerly my spare room aka my study). Nothing feels like it’s mine anymore. Sigh.

And then came the bombshell. While visiting Mum one day, she asked if she could live with me. Permanently. Gulp. While I was mentally running around screaming, I said: “Not if you’re going to live for another 20 years you’re not,” and laughed. She seemed to take that well, but said: “I’m not.”

I left the hospital in a complete panic. Needless to say this has been a frequent topic of discussion with my therapist in the sessions since then. But more on that in my next post. It’s late. There’s work tomorrow, and ironing – I need something to wear!


8 thoughts on “Busy times and bomb shells

  1. I often find people “prescribing” balance with no explanation how to get there. It is frustrating. Maybe finding one small thing to do just for you each day would be a good start?

  2. And could you bring about World Peace while you’re at it please… You know, just in your spare time…

    Far out, that’s a nice little bombshell at the end there. You’re Mum staying with you. Wow. You know you can love someone, and yet not be able to live with them, aye? In fact, it’s the only way that some people can keep on loving each other – not living under the same roof. Even as I type that, there’s this little angel called Guilt climbing up on my shoulder and poking me in the neck with her little spear thingie… so I can’t imagine what sort of pressure you’re feeling.

    Do you think you’re neighbours are up for the challenge of sending back your ironing done to your standards 🙂

    I’m really glad the gym is helping… one way to get all of those good chemicals moving around your body. Although the evil side of me now wants to see video proof that you can last 20 mins before the heart attack 🙂

    I hope the day back at work went smoothly…

    Sending lots of positive thoughts your way,

  3. @ Tracie – thanks for stopping by. I also get frustrated with people who prescribe solutions without specifics. It’s like a doctor saying “take these pills” but not telling you how many or how often. I am trying to do something for myself each day, whether it’s go to the gym or just light some candles. Perhaps I’m just greedy, because at the moment that isn’t enough!

    @ Sanity – I know. Stressful for sure. Some days I just want to crawl under the doona and stay there, but I know I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    @ Castorgirl – World Peace? Not a problem! Would you like Flying Pigs too, coz I almost have that sewn up as well 😉 Mum has been staying with me pretty much since April anyway, except while she’s been in hospital and a few weekends I had “off” early on. Technically I know I can love someone and not live with them, but I just don’t know how to do it with her. I will blog more, but at this stage I’m thinking if we could have more space (physically and metaphysically) it might be ok. Either that or I’m about to make the worst decision I’ve made in a long time. That little Angel of Guilt is really working overtime over here. Nothing personal but I’d be happy if she took up residence on your shoulder for a while 😉 Re the video proof, did you want proof of the 20 mins on the bike, or the heart attack 😉

  4. Just a minute of the bike ride and resultant heart attack will be enough proof – with a time stamp of the start and finish, of course 🙂

    Yup, I can understand that little Angel doing her Guilt thing on you. It is a tough call no matter which way you look at it. Take your time making any big decision, if you can.


  5. Hi Kerro,

    I’m sorry that your time is being so devoured. It is good you were able to take some time out. I’m glad that you have been able to find some time for health and exercise as well. That will help you to better handle stress, I know it does for me.

    Most people don’t manage health catastrophies well. So many things fall off the roller coaster.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


  6. @ Castorgirl – with the greatest of love and respect: 😛

    @ Normal – thanks for dropping by. That word is so little, it should be so easy to say, and yet it’s not.

    @ Kate – thanks, I hope the exercise is helping my stress levels. I dread to think what I’d be like without it! LOL

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