I am so MAD

I am so incredibly MAD. I had the misfortune of seeing my father this weekend – for what will be the last time. He hasn’t seen my mother or me for weeks (three weeks for Mum, twice that for me). Would you believe he didn’t even have the decency to ask how Mum is? (Nor me, but I gave up expecting that a long time ago.)

We saw Mum’s specialists this week and the news is mixed. While her original tumours have shrunk, it looks like some new ones have also cropped up. This is clearly not good news. The medicos aren’t quite sure what’s going on, so she’ll probably have surgery in a week or two.

My father knew she was getting test results. He knew she’s been feeling like road kill – you can see that from her face. And still he didn’t even ask how she is, just made snide remarks about how “busy” she must be.

To state the bleeding obvious, he is a selfish, manipulative creep. I know I’ve said that countless times, but this is the proverbial straw. That is the last time I see him. He can rot in hell.

9 thoughts on “I am so MAD

  1. Good for you, Kerro. No wonder you’re mad…it’s infuriating. He’s not worth your time.

  2. Hi everyone – thanks for support. I’ll confess I’m surprised at least one of you didn’t give me a bit of smack for taking so long to come to this realisation, but no matter. 😉 It’s done now. Finally.

  3. Still holding out hope and best wishes for your Mum, I am glad you are angry, maybe you will feel less depressed now? Unexpressed anger often turns inward….I’m wishing you the best during these trying times you Dad however, he can go scratch!

  4. Dear Kerro,

    I cannot tell you how many times I knew I needed to stop seeing my mother and months later started seeing her by going to family gatherings once again. I had a lot of pressure by my siblings, so there was that. I can’t tell you how many times because I lost count. Healing from child sexual abuse has so little to do with the brain, what it knows and believes is right, and so much to do with everything else. I would never judge someone else for being in the same situation as I was. I’m sorry for all the pain he has caused you. And sorry for your mother’s diagnosis and your father’s choice to not be compassionate or understanding of anyone but himself.

    Good and healing thoughts to you and your mum.


  5. @ Phoenix – I thought of you as I wrote this post, and the time you said you wanted to pour hot tea on my father and smack him upside the head. Or something like that. It made me smile. Thank you. 🙂

    @ David – you’re right, the turning away is the hardest part, and I had to come to this realisation myself. I could never have done it just because someone told me to. It feels so empowering to have made this resolution. The other good part is that my mother has finally acknowledged that I was the best thing to come from her relationship with him. Now that’s only taken 40+ years. Lol

    @ Kate – Thanks Kate. I’m sorry you had to go through this as well. It’s kind of funny, the Wonder Therapist said today that if ever there was a time for my father to show he is “human”, then this is it (in the face of my mother’s illness). He failed, as I suspect your mother did too. How sad.

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