This month’s activity for the Expressive Arts Carnival was to:
Through drawing, painting or any other visual means, create a self portrait. Please also include a couple of sentences saying what the process was like for you.
I’ll say up front: I found this activity the hardest one so far. I’ve never done a self-portrait, and I wasn’t sure where to begin.
At first I wanted to do something realistic and something that represented myself in a positive light. I knew that ruled out drawing, because I’d be drawn (no pun intended) into showing myself as I think of myself, and perhaps not as I am.
So then I played around with photos for a while – creatively distorting photos of myself, creating collages of parts of myself that I actually like these days. I even did a pop art photo arrangement, but none of these seemed right.
Then I wondered how much of my difficulty with this activity was caught up with being a survivor. Do I just lack an image of myself? Perhaps …
The Polyvore set I did today shows more about how I see myself in relation to the world. It isn’t the happy, positive image I had hoped to create, though I’m comfortable with how it turned out. It feels right, or more right than the other self-portraits I had created. I can connect with this image, as how I see myself and how I feel. The other images somehow didn’t seem like me, even though most were created with photos of myself.
I am small, in a very big world.
I am colourless, in a world of colour.
I am ugly, in a world of beauty.
I am invisible, in a world of light.
I’m different; I’m an outsider.
I am hiding my face because I’ve never felt worthy.
That is changing, but I’ve still got a way to go.