I’m still here, kind of. Thanks to those of you who’ve emailed me – I’m ok, really, just not blogging as much, for a host of reasons. One is that I’ve been insanely busy with my new job, trying to get into the gym again, and trying to go out and enjoy the world a bit now that spring has sprung. Another is that I’m making an effort not to spend quite so much time on the Interwebs reading things that only upset me. But I’m still here, I’m doing well, and I read your blogs as I can.

Therapy this week was a little odd, firstly because I was struck down by some nasty virus and spent my time flopping about on the couch, trying not to feel so hideous. I probably should have cancelled, but I always feel bad doing that.

Anyway, the Wonder Therapist and I were talking about a friend who has been distant lately. We’ve been friends almost our whole lives – she’s my rock, my glitter, she’s everything – or was, until recently.

The Wonder Therapist asked about our childhood friendship, and I recalled playing with these dolls at my friend’s place. I had forgotten all about beloved “Velvet” – a gorgeous doll with long blonde hair that you could make longer or shorter using buttons on her back and belly. The hair was glorious – you could brush it, plait it, style it anyway, and it was shiny and soft. Plus she had blue eyes and this beautiful (in the eyes of a six year old) purple dress with a white sash. And there was a matching white dress with lavender flowers and lavender sash. I soooooo loved Velvet.

I was thinking about Velvet afterwards, and how much I loved her – how I wanted hair like hers, and bright blue eyes, and a purple dress, even when I was little. And then I got a bit sad, thinking that even then I *knew*I wasn’t good enough. So wrong. So sad and wrong that some f***ed up parent made me feel like that as a little kid.

Coincidentally the Wonder Therapist shared this little poem with me a few weeks ago.

This Be The Verse – Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.


11 thoughts on “Velvet

  1. Kerro –
    Good to hear you are doing OK. I haven’t been online as much either in the last month – for some of the same reasons. I have thought of you at times and I’m glad to hear you are liking the new job.

    As for the poem – I somewhat shocked WT gave it to you – what did you think about that? (Now I sound like a T 🙂 I can’t imagine my T giving me anything.

    Take care,

  2. Glad you’re still around and doing okay. I’m sorry about your friend – whatever her reasons, it still hurts.

    Also, I am highly amused that the Wonder Therapist gave that poem to you – and I am so “borrowing” it today. Heh heh.

  3. Here is another poem you might like:

    Unknown Author

    When you figure out which one it is,
    you will know what to do for each person.
    When someone is in your life for a REASON. . .
    It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
    They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
    to provide you with guidance and support,
    to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
    They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
    They are there for the reason you need them to be.
    Then, without any wrongdoing on your part,
    or at an inconvenient time, this person will say
    or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

    Sometimes they die.
    Sometimes they walk away.
    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
    What we must realize is that our need has been met,
    our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
    The prayer you sent up has been answered.
    And now it is time to move on.

    Then people come into your life for a SEASON….
    Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
    They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
    They may teach you something you have never done.
    They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
    Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons
    : things you must build upon in order to have
    a solid emotional foundation.
    Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
    and put what you have learned to use in all
    other relationships and areas of your life.
    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

  4. I remember those dolls… I sooooo wanted one!!

    I hope work settles down into a positive routine for you soon. The first six months in a new role are really challenging, but rewarding once you’ve gotten through the learning curve.

    Do you have any idea why the relationship with your friend has changed?

    Take care,

  5. @ OLJ – thanks for stopping by. I hope you’re doing OK during your bloggy break as well. I was fine with the Wonder Therapist giving me the poem – she’s shared quite a lot of stuff like that with me lately. She did say that she meant it of my father, not my mother. She knows I feel completely “f***ed up”. It’s fine. You take care, too. 🙂

    @ Sanity – yes, the friend is going through a tough time. I don’t want to get into details because I’m pretty over it. Over being disrespected and over being treated like I’m at her beck and call. That sounds harsh, there’s a lot of history, which is why I’m not going there.

    @ Ink Puddle – nice to see you 🙂 Glad you liked the poem!!

    @ Same Sky – Great poem, huh? I been thinking of you too, hope you’re doing ok as well. 🙂

    @ Ivory – Thanks! Great poem. 🙂

    @ Castorgirl – omg me too!!! I seriously wanted Velvet, but never got one. Thankfully my BFF had two (one was her older sister’s), so I got to borrow it occasionally. 🙂 Thanks for your support, esp re work in this instance. It’s hard, I just need to remember that it will settle. See my comments to Sanity about the friend. ((hugs))

  6. I’m so glad you wrote Kerro. Glad to see you! I had that doll too, but mine had red hair. Can you imagine how great it would be if all you had to do to get your hair to be shorter or longer is push your belly button? What a concept.

  7. hi kerro~ i’ve been wondering how you are. i am sorry to hear you’re having a tough time with an old friend. i have found that as i change, i have outgrown some friends (which sounds strange to say…perhaps it’s better to say that i just don’t need them or see them the same way i used to). sometimes it’s that the things we need or want from our relationships change. and perhaps relationships from the past are stuck in old patterns that aren’t useful or good for us anymore. whatever it is with you, i hope that you’re ok and that you’re not suffering too much with the changes here.

    it can be sad to part with people we’ve cared for and shared with. it’s a loss, even if it’s a loss we are ready for. so i think it’s healthy to grieve when our paths diverge. one quote that always comforted me whenever i felt myself separating from a friend i truly loved, but for whatever reasons we couldn’t be close anymore, is this one:

    “Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” ~Richard Bach.

    that way, if you have hopes of reuniting one day, you can imagine that it might be possible. and you can decide under what conditions that would be acceptable to you. and for now if you know you need distance, you can trust that this is ok. because you have to honor your instincts and take care of yourself.

    wishing you well always~~ 🙂

  8. @ Harriet – gotta love those dolls. I believe the red headed one wasn’t Velvet, but Chrissy, her cousin!! LOL

    @ Katie – thanks for your comments. This isn’t about a relationship changing, or me outgrowing a friend or anything, but more about someone else’s bad behaviour. Thanks though, I like that quote. 🙂

  9. hi kerro, oh, i’m sorry. i sort of went off there. i never know for sure if my instincts are right on or not, but i talk anyway in case they are relevant 🙂 i am sorry to hear that about your friend though. that sounds very tough. i wish you well through this…

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