Pain passes

I think I’m on the way back. Phew! The Wonder Therapist said I should read the emotional state I was in only a week ago, and remind myself that pain passes. It does pass, doesn’t it? But why does it feel like it never will?

I managed to haul my butt out of bed this morning and go to the gym (ugh, I’m so unfit… but that’s a separate post or seven).

I also managed to unwrap the newspaper from its little raincoat (on the day it arrived, I might add!) AND I’ve read some of it!

I’ve also cleaned some of the science experiments out of the fridge, washed some clothes and dealt with ten days of dishes.

I also rediscovered a little email the Wonder Therapist sent me that I keep in my wallet. She told me to be proud of myself. I’m not sure I am, yet, but the email still makes me feel good.

Ok, I’m off to tackle the pile of clothes on the couch. Wish me luck, it’s a brave move – I may never emerge. You must all think I’m disgusting, but the domestics are one of the first things to go to hell when I’m at the bottom of the pit.


17 thoughts on “Pain passes

  1. Not disgusting at all – pretty normal I think. But so glad you are on your way out of the pit! That says a lot about you, and your resilience, and how far you have come. You should be proud, it’s very difficult.

  2. Hoorah for bad stuff buggering off! Hoorah for Wonder Therapist. But mostly Hoorah for you!

    Lola x

  3. @ Harriet – Thanks. I’m glad I’m surfacing, too. The pit is too dark and lonely. Running away now because I don’t believe those things about me, like strength and resilience. La la la.

    @ Same Sky – Thanks! 🙂 Funny, I know the domestics don’t really matter, but I do feel clearer mentally when things are clean and tidy.

    @ Lola – Hoorah indeed, and hoorah for you too!

  4. Glad to hear your back. I don’t find it hard to know about letting the domestics go – and it happens for me well before I get depressed, so if anything I probably admire you for keeping up with it so long – not something I particularly enjoy.

  5. Evan, I am yet to meet a man who is good at, or enjoys, the domestics. Well, I used to know one, but he was an abusive a$$hole so he doesn’t count. Most other men I know are just pigs… or barely scrape by. I know I feel better living in a space that is clean and tidy, where dishes aren’t piled high, and washing not lying about waiting to be done. In the general day to day that helps me not feel overwhelmed, or sink too low without good cause.

  6. I’m glad the cloud is clearing 🙂

    As for cleaning… for me, it’s often a good indicator of my mental health… If my house is clean, I’m doing really well. If my house is a mess, I’m a dissociative mess…

    *covertly pushing a pile of dishes aside on the desk* 🙂

    Take care,

  7. Thanks CG 🙂 Sounds like we’re similar with the cleaning. I’m ok with the actual cleaning (coz I have someone to do it) but one of the early signs for me is not unwrapping the newspaper, and letting dishes stack up. May be they should add this to mental health questionnaires?!?!?!? LOL

  8. Yea Kerro –
    So glad you are up the up swing – it’s the pits to be so down.

    I’m one of those weirdos who find it somewhat calming and grounding to clean 🙂 Not to say that my house doesn’t get messy – it’s a mess right now but that’s more a result of being busy. I have funeral flowers and the like all over the breakfast room table and kitchen counters.

    Thought of you today while I was listening to the classic radio station.

    Hugs to you,

  9. You’re right, OLJ, it’s the pits to be in the pit. 😉

    I don’t think you’re weird at all – I think you’re normal, and lovely. Lovely because you thought of me 🙂 and normal because I find it calming to iron LOL

    I hope you’re ok. ((hugs))

  10. i don’t think you’re disgusting at all! 🙂 i can relate. i tend to keep anything involving rotting food pretty much taken care of, but other things i definitely let go. my physical health, laundry, mail, etc.

    sometimes it takes seeing a mountain of dirty clothes to help me tune into just how well i’m not doing.

    so glad you’re feeling better! 🙂 sending safe hugs! ~~~

  11. @ Katie – can you come and deal with my rotting food please? My fridge is a magnet for science experiments – bleuch! You touch on something interesting – that perhaps we should use the failure of domestics as a clue about how we’re doing. For me, the first sign is not unwrapping the newspaper or dealing with mail.

    That should signal that something is going on inside that’s impairing my ability to function, and should be a prompt for me to “listen” and do something about it before it gets worse.

    Does that make sense? Does it sound like something that would work?

    ((hugs)) back. 🙂

  12. hi kerro 🙂 yes, that’s exactly how i think of it for myself. i sort of use my laundry and mail as an indicator. if i see that it’s really out of hand, if i wasn’t already aware that i’ve been struggling, it can help me tune in. because i am not always tuned into how i’m really doing. sometimes i go along insisting “i’m fine” and not actually connecting to what’s actually going on underneath. it’s when i get so out of touch like that, that i may notice the other ways i seem to be expressing how not fine i am first, the outward manifestations of my inner state…

    and definitely, starting to address those things does start to help me feel better. not just having a cleaner environment (because i think that helps me too), but because once i’m aware, then i can think more directly about what my actual problem is underneath it all.

  13. oh but yes, if i could recognize my not wanting to take care of everyday things before it got out of hand, that might even be better. i hadn’t thought of that 🙂

    strange. it’s either i’m doing well and keeping up with that sort of thing, or i’ll just “realize” that it’s been a few weeks. where is my awareness in that middle time?

  14. Hi Katie, I like how you’re able to use the domestics as an indicator of what’s going on inside. I’ll need to tune in to that more. It’s hard though because I’ve been doing the “I’m fine” routine for so long. I guess that’s what I’ve meant by saying I’d like to not be rocked to my foundations by things that happen – become more mindful, I suppose, so that I can manage my reactions to things. As you said, awareness, is the key.

  15. Thanks Life Multiplied. I have turned that corner. I really have. It’s funny how when you’re at the bottom of the pit you’re thinking, “man, this NEVER going to end” and then, when things turn, you kinda wonder why you’re there in the first place. That’s what sometimes happens with me, anyway.

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