Courage, stupidity and randomness

I don’t know if it was post-anaesthesia brain fuzz or the furriness of pain killers, but I contacted Nice Guy last week. Yea, I know. I can hear your collective gasp from here. Possibly one of the dumbest things I’ve done, but it’s done now. I told him I missed him, and that I liked him, and that I was hoping we could possibly may be catch up. He said yes. 🙂

I’m still not sure if this was courageous (or “ballsy” as my therapist called it) or just plain stupid. My therapist said it was incredibly “ballsy” and a good thing to do – she almost couldn’t believe I’d done it either. I’m not really sure what made me do it. I felt the weight of post-op depression starting to sink in, and the thought that I’m all alone in the world start to weigh me down, and figured if I don’t contact him I’ll just never know. He sent me a lovely return email saying lots of nice things that he didn’t have to say. Anyway, hopefully we’ll catch up a bit later this week. I’ll let you know how it goes.


I rarely dream about my therapist but I did this week. I dreamt that she’d sent me a text message cancelling my appointment because she was going out and wanted to wear an evening gown. I emailed her about the dream, and she emailed back:

The Wonder Therapist: “That’s me! Dressed for a day’s work.”



Speaking of a day’s work, I have a job interview this week. I’m excited, nervous, anxious, all the usual things. I’ve started preparing, though I’m not usually good at the early preparation… more of a last minute, fever pitch preparer. 😉 They sent me a document to read in preparation. Would you believe it’s a document on child abuse??? Ugh. That stuff used to be so easy for me to read. Now that I’m actually feeling my emotions I find it incredibly difficult. I’ll do my best to switch off so I don’t make an a$$ of myself in the interview!


In other news, I went to the symphony the other night. Possibly not the smartest thing I’ve done while recovering from surgery, but I really wanted to go, and couldn’t find anyone to take my ticket. I only stayed for the first half, but got to see and hear one of my favourite pieces. I was sitting up front so I got to see the pianist’s hands dancing effortlessly up and down the keyboard – it was brilliant.

6 thoughts on “Courage, stupidity and randomness

  1. Hoorah for being Ballsy! I don’t think that there is any “right” or “wrong” way of approaching stuff like that. Am rather excited to see how things turn out for you. You seem so much more upbeat in this post Kerro, new opportunities are presenting themselves, and you are rising to the challenge!

    Lola x

  2. @ Ink Puddle – thanks, yes, it does feel like a couple of “wins”, or almost wins or moves towards wins, or something. I just hope some of them turn out.

    @ Same Sky – Hilarious, huh? It’s funny how when I’m more normal, more “me”, my T doesn’t mind “playing” with me, if that makes sense. In a humourous way, not a malicious way, of course. I like it.

    @ Lola – Thank you. Yes, I am a bit more upbeat. I’ll be sure to let you know how things turn out. Keep your fingers crossed for me, please. 🙂

  3. Wow! I think it is great that you contacted him and that he sent you a nice reply. You are in charge of your own destiny, and that is very empowering.

  4. Thanks Harriet. That sounds so scary to be in charge of my own destiny, but I guess I did take control in this situation. I figured that if I didn’t contact him I would never know, and the worst he could say was “go away” (in slightly less polite terms), which would leave me no worse off really.

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