Not-so-Nice

Turns out Nice Guy isn’t so nice after all. He dumped me. Via text message. I’m shattered.

Something about too many issues to deal with in life and not being in the right space for a relationship.

Clearly I’m just not good enough, or he would be in the right space. I’m a useless fool. A stupid useless fool.

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21 thoughts on “Not-so-Nice

  1. I have been a lurker on your great site for a long time, but my heart is breaking for you right now. I just wanted you to know that I feel for you. Torah.

  2. Oh Kerro, I am SO sorry. How painful 😦 Thinking of you especially today. This doesn’t have to be all about you – although I know it probably feels that way. Whatever his issues might be, you being good enough (even perfect) would not change those. Hugs, xx

  3. How awful—and via text?? I was thinking what Samesky said – this is a “him” issue, and not a reflection of your worth at all. I hope you can hold on to that. I’m so sorry.

  4. Having been dumped in an email from someone I loved deeply I can only say that how you feel is totally reasonable and understandable and I’m really sorry this has happened.

    It’s nothing to do with you – it’s about him.

    Words, at this time, are useless but I wanted you to know I’m thinking about you.

    You are NOT stupid and you are NOT a fool.

  5. Oh kerro, I am so sorry! I feel both sorrow and anger for you. I can’t believe he wrote you this in a message and didn’t tell you in person. He sounds like a cowardly jerk. To say the least. You deserve so much better. I think you are wonderful.

  6. I am so sorry, Kerro. This is *NOT* about you not being good enough — anyone who breaks up via text message really does have issues, and isn’t in the right space for a relationship. You are absolutely not a fool — you haven’t done even a single foolish thing. You took a calculated risk, and you took it with care and wisdom and honesty, watching yourself and the situation every step of the way.

    Clearly I’m just not good enough, or he would be in the right space.

    The statement above could not possibly be less accurate. Take it from a guy, it’s really not. Men being in the right space or not for a relationship has very little to do with the “rightness” of the partner; it has to do with where the man is or isn’t in his cycle of commitment-avoidance, which is something I think 95% of men go through. I think this is the hardest thing of all for women to accept — that a man who is in the “too scary!” phase of the commitment cycle will run away from a woman who is *right* for him more quickly than he will from a woman who isn’t. This is hurtful and unfair, and I’ve seen it hundreds of times. Not-so-Nice-Guy has told you it’s him, not you — believe him. He’s right.

  7. Sorry, I hit submit too soon — I also wanted to say that anyone would feel hurt and dismissed by such an incredibly thoughtless action. We are all thinking of you, and I know I speak for all your readers in saying I wish we all lived around the block from you and could shower you with check-ins and loving reassurances in person.

  8. I hear how much pain you’re in and I’m so so sorry.
    Breaking up by text? This guy has some big issues and they’re NOT. about you.
    And I know you hurt. That’s appropriate. I’d worry if you weren’t upset.
    But that you are not good enough? *That* I disagree wtih.
    You are an incredible person and most people don’t deserve you.
    This was the first huge leap into trying a relationship out and you handled a lot of the ups and downs with courage and grace. (And I’m fairly sure you can’t hear much of anything positive at this moment. That’s the way these things seem to go. – but I’m gonna say them anyway.)
    I’ll be on and off gmail this weekend if you want to ping me.
    ((((Kerro))))

  9. How sad Kerro 😦 Is there any solace in that it happened now and not a few weeks or a month from now? You were so brave to get out there into the dating world. Try not to let this discourage you from trying again. You have a wonderful heart Kerro.

    For now though ((((warm hugs)))) .

  10. I’m so glad you have all these readers here being loving and supportive. My feelings are echoed by all above. I have continued to think about you today and will keep sending caring thoughts your way. And safe warm hugs too, if wanted. (((kerro)))

  11. ugh – the technological age. I am so sorry for you. This is his problem as has been said more eloquently above.

    Thinking of you

    OLJ

  12. What David said. This is not about you. No matter what he said. No matter what he meant. No matter what he believes. I’m sorry he did this, what a rude jerk. Obviously he doesn’t have good skills, text break up, please, this is all about him.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

  13. I’m so sorry to hear this news, Kerro. Breaking up with someone by text is immature and has nothing to do with you, or your worth as a partner. You are not stupid, useless or foolish…as the other’s have said, you are anything but. I have admired your courage and openess for a long time now. I wish I could say something to ease the pain in your heart and thoughts in your head. I know I can’t. But I’m thinking of you.

  14. I also agree with David, it’s definitely his issues…

    Give yourself time to re-group and see how everything feels. I know it’s hurting like nothing else right now… but the key wording is “right now”. You don’t know what will happen in a week, month or year.

    Take care,
    CG

  15. You are better off deary, what am unbelievable douchebag move!

    You deserve better, but he got you over the hump of dating, kissing, contemplating sex so we have some gratitude and we are moving the Kerrotrain onto greener pastures with nicer non-doucheristic dudes….

    I am psychically kicking him in the balls with steeltoe boots whilst making him text “ouch” over and over….

    Hang in there babe 😦

  16. Oh I am so sorry. And as the others have said, this is not about you, it is about him. However I can totally relate to your thoughts immediately concluding that something is wrong with you and not him. That is exactly what I would do, and what I do all of the time. It’s easy to say to someone else, “It’s not you, you are not a fool, there is nothing wrong with you.” It’s so hard to believe it about ourselves. I’m hurting for you.

  17. As an aside, it’s interesting how one of your top kick-a** posts comes up as “Possibly related” to this one… Maybe it’s more related than you think – it shows you’re strong, intelligent and committed to healing and making the most of this life.

  18. Oh, K, I am so sorry to read this. As David said, I wish I lived around the corner from you so that I could offer you hugs and a listening ear in person. I also agree with everyone here that this is not an indication of your worth, at all. The fact that he chose to use text rather than talking with you about this suggests to me that he has his own issues, as most everyone here has said, too. The ability to communicate is such a huge part of a successful relationship, and the thing that strikes me when you say you feel you aren’t good enough (which translates to “deserving” in my mind) is that you really deserve a relationship with someone who is able to communicate openly with you, no matter how difficult the subject matter. You have shown such bravery in reaching out and testing the waters and you deserve all the happiness you dream of. I firmly believe it’s out there and this was the first step toward finding it. (((Kerro)))

  19. Pingback: The Great Leap Forward « Kerro's Korner

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