Grateful

Some days I’m incredibly grateful to my therapist. Today is one of those days. I’ve been feeling utterly miserable for a couple of days, and today my therapist spent a long time with me, helping work things through. I felt like the weight of a thousand worlds has been lifted off my shoulders. Of course, I am completely and utterly stuffed too, so apologies if that’s reflected in this post.

A couple of things have happened this week to tip me back over the edge. Firstly, I saw my specialist and it turns out that some of the health issues I thought were done with have come back. 😦 I fell into hysterics when he told me (well, after I’d left his office). It’s so unfair. I’m so upset. I’ve been in a bit of pain the last few days, which also isn’t good.  I’m having some tests next week (the earliest available time) and we’ll know more then, but it’s so wrong.

Second, Nice Guy hasn’t been so nice lately. Well, may be he has, I wouldn’t know. After seeing him earlier in the week I haven’t seen or heard from him since, despite us agreeing to catch up later this week. May be it’s just me, but the lack of communication, and having phone calls, text messages, emails all ignored is doing me in. It makes me feel devalued. I rang him today and invited him for dinner tomorrow. Haven’t heard back. If I ever see him again I’ll talk to him about communication, coz this is driving me crazy. May be it’s just me, but I also think it’s bordering on just plain rude.

The other thing that has tipped me over the edge is that one of my very close friends had a baby yesterday. Rational me is very excited for her. Emotional me isn’t coping at all. This now makes me the only one of all my friends (except one) to be childless. I feel vulnerable and raw when talking about this, so that will be enough for today.

Anyway, my grateful thanks to the Wonder Therapist for helping ease the nastiness. 🙂

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9 thoughts on “Grateful

  1. I’m glad WT helped… but sorry about the medical stuff and NG. Fingers crossed that both medical and NG issues turn out to be things that can be easily resolved…

  2. Oh, how painful Kerro. I can empathise with the HUGE amount of hurt that goes along with being childless when everyone around you is having babies 😦 here’s hoping that some of those burdens can be lifted to give you some relief, hugs. xx

  3. @ Castorgirl – thanks, I hope there’s simple solutions too.

    @ Same Sky – thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Same Sky. It’s so nice to know someone understands this. *sniff* ((hugs)) to you too.

  4. Kerro –
    Why does life always pile things up at one time – any one thing you could deal with, but together the effect is multiplied exponentially…..

    I can feel your pain regarding the baby issue after going through years of infertility treatments. It is really hard to be happy when friends get pregnant and have children.

    I hope things get better with your health issues and Nice Guy.

    OLJ

  5. Ugh, so sorry New Guy is having trouble with communication this week, and about your health issues. How frustrating! I remember you had surgery recently and that was a difficult time. Do you mind if I ask for more specifics about how your wonder therapist helps you to feel better? Because I never feel better when I leave therapy, so I’m wondering how things could be different. Is it something she says, or is it just talking to her that makes you feel better?

  6. Hugs to you. In different ways, I know the ache of seeing someone else fulfilling a dream that’s very close to one’s own heart, and how it can just hit every raw nerve you have. I also know that feeling that way doesn’t in the least compromise the joy you share with your friend at her new arrival … and that complex mix of feelings is really hard to sit with. Glad you have WT to support you. xo

  7. @ OLJ – I agree, the piling up is just wrong. Thanks for sharing your struggles with the baby thing – knowing that you had a very positive outcome gives me some hope (in a general sense, not a personal one).

    @ Harriet – I’m happy to share about the Wonder Therapist and her “magic”. First, when she knows that I (or presumably another client) is having a difficult time, if she has the opportunity to return phone calls or offer them an earlier session, then she will. She had some other clients reschedule yesterday, so she offered me an earlier (and longer) session, and also told me that she’d like to give me priority given what was happening. I appreciated that – it helped me feel supported, and that she cares.

    Second, she “steers” the conversation. She knew a bit about what was happening because I’d rung and emailed her over the preceding couple of days, so she knew which direction to head in. She gets me to talk about the issues, then offers suggestions about how to manage them, and offers different perspectives to get me to see them differently. For example, yesterday she said that I’m letting Nice Guy lead… that may be I should take the reins and try to steer things in the way that I need. She also suggested that I have a conversation with him about communication – about what he expects of me, and what I expect of him. That all helped.

    Third, she usually guides the conversation so that we end on more positive notes – like how it’s good my relationship with another friend is on a ‘high’ at the moment, or how good the job opportunity looks, for example. She’s pretty good at making sure I’m in a safe and ‘stable’ (if not happy) place by the time I leave – it’s actually rare for her to let me leave if I am feeling worse or am obviously distressed.

    For me, it’s the combination of the talking, the seeing things in new ways and the suggestions on how to tackle things that helps. The sense that she cares about me is an important bonus for me.

    @ Sanity – thanks gorgeous. 🙂

    @ David – alas, I have to confess that my feelings do get in the way of my joy for my friend. I’ve found it difficult to be around her in the latter stages of her pregnancy, and am not sure I can visit her in the hospital, or even at home, right now. I feel like such a terrible person saying that. I’m also glad I have the Wonder Therapist to support me. God knows where I’d be without her. At the bottom of a tall building, I suspect. Or lying in a hospital bed with charcoal stains all over me.

  8. Kerro – thank you for the great explanation of how your therapist helps you. She sounds so caring. I have so many more questions! But I know this is not a good time for you, and I’m sorry.

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