Rudeness

I’ve been replaying a moment from last week’s therapy session in my head, so thought may be it warranted writing down and exploring.

I mentioned to my therapist that I’d be visiting my parents over the weekend and, for whatever reason, she asked what we’d do.

Me: “Well, my mother will probably update me on all the neighbours, though I don’t really care. Then she’ll b!tch about my father – that’s guaranteed.”

The Wonder Therapist: “And your father? What will he be doing? Sitting in his chair?”

Me: “Yes, he’ll sit in his chair. If I’m *lucky* he won’t speak to me, otherwise he’ll say things like ‘I’m thirsty’ – which means get him a cup of tea. And by 11.30am he’ll be saying ‘I’m hungry – aren’t I getting anything to eat today?’ – which means hurry up and make lunch. Or if the TV is on, he’ll say ‘I can’t hear the television’ or ‘the television is too loud’ – which means turn it up/down. It’s always been like that.”

The Wonder Therapist (in a not-so-wonderful moment): Looking shocked, speechless.

I felt bad afterwards for inflicting my father’s hideousness on her, but in some ways I guess that’s what she’s there for.

And then I read Phoenix’s comment saying she was “psychically walloping your dad upside the head with a croquet mallet, pouring hot Earl Grey tea in his lap and ‘tasing’”.

I guess it didn’t really hit me until I saw my therapist’s face and read Phoenix’s comment that my father really is one of the rudest, most obnoxious people I know.

Quite apart from the heinous sh1t he inflicted on my mother and me all those years ago, he continues to be an emotionally abusive sh1thead as well.

How my mother can still live in the same house as him I will never understand, but I can’t take responsibility for that anymore.

I guess this is just another part of me realising his behaviour is wrong; was wrong; was always wrong. Just because I’m used to it doesn’t mean it’s any less obnoxious.

Oh, and by the way, in unrelated news – today I really can say “I kissed a boy and I liked it!” 😉

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7 thoughts on “Rudeness

  1. He sounds quite narcissistic. Your mother must be getting something out of it as well. But no reason for you to put up with it!

    And yay on the kiss!

  2. Hooray!!!! (on the kissing)
    I’m glad I could be helpful Kerro, we have to help shovel eachother out of the sh*tholes when possible, it’s backbreaking work alone.

    I haven’t been commenting much but I have been reading you are doing great Kerro, keep up the good work!

  3. I’m so happy for you about the kiss! 🙂 I’m also glad that you are seeing so clearly that you aren’t responsible for your father’s rude behavior, or anyone’s for that matter. Yay for you on all counts!

  4. @ Harriet – yes, I guess he is a narcissist. As for my mother, I hear there’s a little thing called “co-dependence”. 😉

    @ Phoenix – thanks gorgeous. You are right, the shovelling is way way too hard on our own. I’m grateful for you and others who help me with mine. 🙂

    @ Tamp – thanks. 🙂

    @ David – thanks to you, too. 🙂

    @ Paul – An excellent question, and one therapists have asked me many times. The crux of it is that I still love my mother, and want a relationship with her. Plus there’s part of me who feels sad she’s in this situation. Different therapists have had different thoughts about how to get around it all. I’m just not sure I can take things another step at the moment.

    @ Kate – thanks. 🙂

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