Here

 

I’m here.

The funk continues, but I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other.

I visited my parents today. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done but it passed the time. My father’s rudeness never ceases to amaze me. Some days I cannot fathom why I don’t whack him in the head, or pour hot tea on him.

On the way home I bought a new book to read. It got a good review in the newspaper. I’m hoping that some time on the couch, with book and blankie and kitty, might also pass time.

There’s quite a lot of pills in the cupboard. Decent pills. I’m trying not to think about them; trying not to go in the cupboard.

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8 thoughts on “Here

  1. I’m sorry to hear you’re still in a “funk”. T always says to “flush” extra meds but I don’t think T’s get the point of how much we want to hold on to them, even if we don’t use them. One thing I’ve found helpful, is moving them so they’re not quite so accessible. Like out to the car or in another area of the house that you don’t walk by or sit near, a lot of the time. ((((Kerro)))) Reading a good book sounds like nice way to unwind 🙂

  2. Umm how about burying them in the yard?!?!?!
    Please stay safe, by the way I am psychically walloping your dad upside the head with a croquet mallet, pouring hot Earl Grey tea in his lap and “tasing”….(even though he keeps muttering the Aussie equivalent of “don’t tase me dude”)

    (((hugs)))

  3. (((Kerro)))
    I just wanted you to know I’m listening and thinking of you. You are an inspiration to me and I hope things get easier for you.

    di

  4. hi kerro, i’m sorry you had a negative experience with your family today. that can make an already bad day so much worse. i don’t know your history, as i’m new to your blog. and you don’t have to tell me. but in my case, my dad was an abusive alcoholic, and i know not everyone agrees such tactics, but when i was about 22, i finally decided to become estranged from my father. spending time around him only made me feel horrible and gave me nightmares and tears. so one day i decided enough was enough. and that was the last time i saw him. most people seem to think that is cruel or not an option. but i think whatever we can do to find our own happiness and peace of mind is worth it. i don’t think people have to become estranged to find peace of mind. but in my case, it made a huge difference.

    i hope you’re able to give yourself some good attention and peaceful time tonight. to put today’s experience further away from you. create the space *you* need. a safe space. a space you can feel better in.

    wishing you peace~~~

  5. I’m so glad you’re still here, Kerro. I love that photograph and its sentiments. I hope your book is a good one and that you can escape into it for a while. ((Kerro))

  6. @ Sanity – thanks for your support. I’m not going to flush the meds – I might need them one day, legitimately or otherwise. Mine are tucked away in a cupboard, so I can kind of avoid them. They’re less of an issue today, so I’m hopeful that means things are shifting.

    @ Phoenix – thanks hun. LOL re walloping my father. I like that. 😀

    @ Di – thank you.

    @ Katie – your history and mine sound similar. My father is an abusive alcoholic too. My hats off to you for becoming estranged from him – that takes guts. My father is unfortunately still (a) alive and (b) living with my mother, so I still see him. It does make me feel horrible, especially when I’m not feeling all that great to begin with, though I’m getting better at letting his abusive sh*t just slide off me. I don’t care what other people say – you’re right, whatever makes us safe and happy is ok. I don’t talk to him on the phone anymore and that at least means I don’t have him making me feel horrible in my own home. It’s a start.

    @ Cat – thanks, I liked the photo too. The book is good and has helped me pass time and escape a little. ((hugs)) back to you.

  7. Hi OLJ, yes the book is fiction. I used to be a voracious reader, but that seemed to disappear when things fell apart. I have no idea why, though my therapist says it will come back. I still read, just not as avidly. This book is fiction and the reviews said it would suck me in, so I thought I’d give it a try. It’s historical fiction, which I usually think is trashy, but I enjoy it sometimes. I like the book, though it is kind of creepy in parts (and potentially triggering). Still, I could sit on the couch and read it for hours, so it’s going ok. Thanks for your good thoughts.

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