Still funky

Yep, the funk continues.

I saw the Wonder Therapist today. I confessed to feeling a little suicidal. Rational brain knows that’s a good thing. The rest of me doesn’t see the point.

I would like to go to sleep for a few days to let this pass. Alas, I know that won’t help. The cr@p in my head will still be there when I wake up.

13 thoughts on “Still funky

  1. Hi kerro, I’m so sorry that you are struggling and having such a rough week. It sounds very painful. I hope you do get some soothing rest this weekend. Maybe listen to some music and get to do some other nurturing things. When I’m most depressed, I try to remember to treat myself as though I’m sick with a bad flu. When it’s my emotions, my automatic reaction isn’t kindness. But if I’m I’ll, I’ll curl up and watch fun movies. sending nurturing support your way…

  2. Hey what can I say other than that I’m thinking of you….I don’t feel adequately “qualified” to comment on so many aspects of your posts but I do read them and I do understand how it feels to be down (and I mean really down).

    Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you………


  3. hi kerro,

    just wanted to say i totally understand how you’re feeling and that maybe taking a sleep break might not be such a bad idea? true the “cr@p” in your head might still be there when you wake up (though it’s also it possible it might be gone or transformed?) but after a good sleep our perceptions and mindset can radically change and so even if that stuff is still in your head, you may look at it in an entirely different way and it won’t be so funky and toxic anymore.

    this has happened to me a number of times and so maybe your idea to sleep a lot is really your wisest self giving you the best advice…?

    hope you feel better soon kerro and oh i really liked your word cloud on the mindparts expressive arts carnival. it really rekindled my love of music and inspired me to quiet down and do some serious listening to all of the music i’ve collected to listen to “someday” and then just keep procrastinating…

    thank you so much for that kerro 🙂 maybe you could turn on some of your favorite music while you sleep — i think we both know how powerful and therapeutic music is when we are awake, just imagine what it can do for our subconscious while we sleep!

    …sending you lots of positive energy…

  4. @ Katie – thanks for your support. Some time on the couch sounds lovely. I bought a new book today, may be that will help pass the time.

    @ Sanity – thanks. ((hugs)) back.

    @ IGMC – thanks, I appreciate your support.

    @ Jahda – thanks for dropping by, and for your positive energy. I’m glad I could help you rediscover the joys of music. I spent some time today listening to some beautiful classical music, and hoping for more of the same tonight.

  5. Hi Kerro,
    I’m sorry you’re feeling suicidal. The world needs you to stay alive, hang in there!

    I have a suggestion. One thing I think helps when you don’t know what else to do is the basics of self care.

    Here are some things you might try one or two of: make sure you eat something healthy every few hours, drink water, get some rest even if you can’t sleep, listen to nice music, take a bath with candles or aromatherapy or whatever feels nice if that is something you like, go outside on a sunny day and sit somewhere pleasant and let it sink in, hug a teddy bear, curl up on the couch with a nice soft blanket, watch comedy movies or comedy performances.

    These things seem like not a big deal, but in my experience, even if they don’t seem like they will work, they sink in and help you feel less crappy. We survivors forget about our body, but low blood sugar, exhaustion and pms can make a big difference in our moods.

    May everything work out well,

  6. Thanks SDW, we do forget about bodies, sleep, all that stuff… it just makes the spiral worse. I’m planning some couch time with blankie and book tonight, hoping that will work, or at least past time pleasantly.

  7. hi again kerro,

    i’m curious–what did you listen to…? i’ve collected so much music and have such a difficult time with decisions these days that i can never decide what to listen to and so end up listening to nothing or a mishmash on ipod shuffle.

    how do you ever decide what to listen to lol?

  8. Hi Jahda – like you I have a seemingly endless collection of music, but somehow I just seem to *know* what I want to listen to. In terms of classics, I have my favourites – like this and this or this or this.

    If none of those take my fancy, then our local classical radio station has some wonderful compilations – like this one, which is my favourite.

    If I can’t sleep, or need deep soothing there’s this or this.

    And if all that fails, then the same radio station is usually playing something divine. 🙂

  9. I’m glad you told WT about the suicidal thoughts… they have a tendency to take on overwhelming proportions if you don’t talk about them.

    One moment at a time and do lots of comforting things for yourself…

    Sending positive thoughts…

  10. Thanks Castorgirl – yes, the rational brain (however small) knows that talking about the suicidal thoughts is important. Yep, one moment at a time, I’m hanging in. Thanks for your good thoughts. ((hugs))

  11. That’s so fantastic that you “know” what to listen to–like something inside guiding you to what you need at any given time… your Inner Self Helper perhaps? Thanks for posting all those links. That radio station looks fantastic. I hadn’t heard of Hildegard von Bingen before so last night I listened and it was just so beautiful and soothing–absolutely divine! Those music sites are really cool too, thanks for sharing them! 🙂

    Hope you are feeling a bit better today Kerro! Your love of music is so contagious and inspiring–you have so much to give. Do you do any kind of music therapy or…?

  12. Hi Jahda – I admit I LOL’ed at your comment – I’m so completely and utterly talentless at anything remotely musical!! I enjoy listening, but that’s it. I’ve never done any music therapy – though I suffered through about 9 years of piano as a kid (possibly one of the reaons I’m in therapy now!!!) Seriously, I’m glad you’ve caught my music bug and that you enjoyed Hildegard, she’s amazing 🙂

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