Yesterday’s post

Hi everyone. Thanks for all your comments on yesterday’s post. I admit I’m struggling reading your comments, and responding. The Wonder Therapist did a good job yesterday of making me feel stronger and less insecure about Nice Guy. Unfortunately some of the comments are undoing that. Not your fault, obviously (no need to apologise CG), and I appreciate your concern. It’s just a sign I’m feeling fragile I suppose. Not fragile about Nice Guy per se, but about why he’d want to be with me and that sense that the bubble will burst soon enough anyway, so why bother?

In addition to remarks I posted yesterday, the Wonder Therapist has also said that my reactions are quite “normal” – and that I should just try to “enjoy it”. She even quoted Alfred Lord Tennyson to me: “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

She’s said that it’s incredibly rare for two people to meet, feel like things align etc… so I should live in the moment. Don’t question it. Don’t overanalyse. (Who? Me?)

I try, but it’s hard.

She also said it would be unusual for a guy to hang around if he didn’t really like someone just for the s*x – apparently s*x is not that hard to get these days, so why hang around for it? Makes sense, I guess.

She also said to take things slowly, or at least at a pace I am comfortable with. I know some of my reactions previously have been because I wasn’t comfortable. I know that now, and I am not going to jeopardise that.

So, I’m rambling, but I needed to say thank you and excuse me if I don’t respond to your comments today. It’s not that I have my head in the sand, but I need to regroup so I don’t sabotage things with Nice Guy.

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5 thoughts on “Yesterday’s post

  1. Just wanted to say that I thought your Wonder Therapist’s comments about enjoying the moment is a good idea. I agree – very hard at times, but it is possible. I liken it to an awesome vacation. When I was in the Canadian Rockies, I just stood there, in complete awe of what I was looking at. I thought “Don’t forget this moment!” as I took it all in. It can be hard though…to find a balance in letting go and enjoying it in the moment, if you’ve had bad past experiences. I suppose if I was looking at the mountains with snow but had been caught in an avalanche earlier in my life, I would be a bit hesitant. Maybe I’ve just contradicted my whole thought. Anyways, good idea by WT and do-able, in my opinion, to at least some extent.

  2. dear kerro, i can really relate to the feelings you’ve been having. when i first met my lifepartner, he was so much of what i’ve always wanted in a person that i never thought i would find. we’re very compatible and i could talk to him about my past and he understood i needed to take things slowly. that did not diminish my fear though and those early months were very scary, anxiety provoking and triggering. even though i DID feel safe with him. it was just hard to believe it was all real. there were times i thought it was all “too good to be true” and i was sure he was going to reveal some horrible quality at any moment.

    over time, as i was able to feel more secure that i knew him well enough, the trust built on it’s own. i think that no matter what our past, abuse or not, it’s hard to learn to trust a new person intimately. and having abusive pasts just makes it that much harder to trust, and makes us more likely to be unsure of our instincts. for me, i have a hard time discerning between instinct and fear.

    i think the more we practice self-love, the more we’re able to accept love. as much as i think i’m a terrible person and no one could ever really love me, especially not the “real” me that they would get to know over time, this all means my inner critic is running the show. but if you can also be a source of your own love, then it will be easier to believe that it’s true that someone loves you. that’s what i’ve been working on lately. and it seems to be helping me be less oriented towards “imagining the worst” and not being able to see reality and those around me who love me, as they truly are.

    wishing you well~~~

  3. Pingback: To Nablo or not to Nablo « Kerro's Korner

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