So, the Group was ok last night. I credit David with helping me to see the obvious – that I didn’t need to go to places that were too painful, or disclose anything I wasn’t comfortable disclosing. I was conscious of this, and it was ok. Not exactly what I’d call “fun”, but much less distressing than I had anticipated. Phew!
Something weird happened afterwards, though. I feel like there was a quantum shift in my thinking.
Perhaps it was the Pregnant One (who I think really seems to have her sh** together; have this healing jag pretty much nailed) saying things that I often think – like wishing she had the courage to ring her friends and say, “hey, let’s go out for dinner.”
Or perhaps it was the one I call the Unstable One (which isn’t very flattering, or very accurate), but perhaps it was her saying how “unstable” she is and how her life is completely in the toilet, when it very clearly isn’t.
Perhaps it was the little book of affirmations that the Angry One brought in to show us.
Or perhaps it was all of these things stirred together in a big pot.
I came away from the Group thinking that I might finally believe – and I mean REALLY believe:
- I am a good person
- I have achieved a lot in my life, against the odds
- I am loveable
- I can look after myself, physically and emotionally (well, with a little help on the latter)
- I accept who I am (though there will always be room for growth)
- I am safe
I’m sure the Wonder Therapist would be pleased to hear this – it’s only taken me 18-odd months of therapy to realise it!