Easter

The Easter I want

I dream of having a big family. Of everyone coming over for Easter lunch. It wouldn’t have to be Easter – it could be Christmas, or any other Holiday, or no holiday at all.

Me in the kitchen preparing food. We’d have appetisers (may be the little mushroom things, or perhaps the chicken and asparagus ones, or perhaps I’d try something new) and may be a roast for mains and something delicious for dessert (or a few somethings so everyone could choose their favourite, may be with that nice raspberry cake I make) and then lots of lovely fresh fruit and cheese. Oh, and wine, of course there’d be wine. A crisp white, probably from Margaret River or Marlborough – my favourite wine regions.

The house would be full of flowers, and the sun would stream in the French doors over the dining table. There’d be nice music playing in the background. Something upbeat but relaxing.

We’d all sit around the table and enjoy the fare. Everyone would be happy. No one would be snarky. No criticism veiled as compliments. No clearing of throats as a warning that someone’s getting angry to the point of exploding. No complaints about the food.

After lunch, the kids would all play outside in the last of the summer sun. Or perhaps they’d go to the park down the road; it’s lovely there. The adults would sit around the table, talking and laughing. Enjoying each other’s company. They’d say things like, “I’m sooo full, but I’ll just have one more…”

We’d spend a long afternoon like this. Perhaps lunch would roll into dinner, who knows? When everyone finally went home they’d be sated and happy, having enjoyed a long lazy day together in each other’s company.

The Easter I got

In a world first my father wishes me and my mother a Happy Easter. My mother, god knows why, says “Tsk, not now,” which sends my father into the throat clearing. Eventually there’s an exchange of Easter chocolate. I say chocolate, because for some reason we haven’t given anything even remotely resembling Easter for a long time. Even so, there’s usually a mountain of chocolate to share, though no one’s very interested anyway.

We spend the morning in silence. My mother does the crossword while my father reads the newspaper. I read my book, anxiety biting me in the gut in the hope that they won’t start going at it again. I read. I hope the guy I think I might be interested in will call like he said he would. He doesn’t.

There’s no real “lunch” to speak of. Everyone has some sort of leftovers, sitting in separate areas of the “family” room (now there’s an oxymoron!) My father whinges while my mother tells me off for reading and then gets engrossed in the crossword again.

By 12.30pm I’m in the car on the way home, squinting through tears because my life is so screwed up.

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8 thoughts on “Easter

  1. I have always, always dreamed of having a family which spend time together. The Easter You Want sounds awesome, and God, Kerro, I wish I could have that too. I know life isn’t always idyllic and movie-like, but sometimes it’s so so hard to not feel part of a family.

    Sending big hugs.

    Lola x

  2. I’m so sorry your holidays are such a bust. It’s not fair. Have you ever invited them to your house and made a wonderful dinner? Maybe they just don’t know how to “do” a holiday. Maybe on the next holiday, you need to invite them, and other friends, and show them how it’s done, they might enjoy themselves.

  3. I’m sorry, too. Your envisioned Easter sounds fantastic. Maybe next year you should do that at your house, and invite other friends whose families aren’t worth spending time with. I have several friends here who do that for major holidays … we just boycott the family drama, and make our own family instead.

  4. Your ideal Easter reminds me of the family that I was with while in respite care… It was such an eye opener to see a family interact with love and acceptance. I realise that I will never have this with my FOO, and it sounds like you won’t either… that’s why I like the concept of “family of choice” and “orphan gatherings”. My brother is on his own in Australia, and he often goes to the “orphan gatherings” over there… it’s where people who usually wouldn’t have anyone else to spend the holiday with, gather at someone’s house and have a celebration. I realise this isn’t the same as a FOO gathering, but that’s why we do this hard work of healing… to break those cycles of negativity and dysfunction.

    I hope that one day you’ll have something like your ideal Easter with a group of people – regardless of their familial associations.

    Take care,
    CG

  5. I’m so sorry Kerro, that you have had such a terrible Easter. I have learned in therapy that dysfunctional families mostly never change her behaviour. It’s lost hope to expect such a miracle. Do you think your family will change in the future?? I know, that my family never will change, but I also know, how it is, when there is the longing of a real, caring family. This is natural. I often think of Harry Potter. He was all alone, but he found a new family. I really hope that you find some friends too, which are “Family” to you.
    Take care and safe hugs (((Kerro))) only if ok

  6. I agree with David and the others, you can have your fantasy Easter Kerr. It will require shrugging off the parental units that day but it can be done.

    Make a menu or order out, invite the people that celebrate, not tolerate you and then sit back and enjoy, you deserve it sweetie…

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