Splat!

That’s me. That’s how I feel today. Like a bug on a windscreen.

I’ve been challenging myself, and while I’m not ready to disclose details here, I will say that at the first hint of failure, the first whiff of rejection, my inner critic is back in overdrive.

“See? I was right all along. You can’t have faith in yourself because there’s nothing to have faith in. No one would want to be with you because you’re a stupid, ugly, useless troll. I knew it all along – why didn’t you listen to me? What an idiot you were to believe the Wonder Therapist – ha! Now the whole world is laughing at you – what a fool!

You were wrong to open up and think that life could be different. You should have stayed in your icy shell. At least we did well there and you didn’t pussy foot about with all this garbage about ‘happiness’. Get a grip on yourself.”

I wish I had the strength some others have to move on, or to love and care for myself during setbacks like this. But I don’t. The inner critic is racing through the desert in a frenzy of negativity and I am the bug on the windscreen.

For something useful to read on this topic – try Dr Kathleen Young.

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7 thoughts on “Splat!

  1. Oh K, hang in there kiddo! You are bombarded with all kinds of new challenges, something the inner critic has a heyday with. Try to stay calm, change is very hard sometimes!

  2. I agree; change is hard. The Inner Critic will grab any chance to try to pull you back to feeling bad while you are going through major change and challenging times, but you are still doing so well, even if you aren’t able to see it in every moment. Just the fact that you are willing to make these changes and face these challenges is tremendous. I still see it myself, with my own IC. Just when I think I’m done with all the self-berating, I realize I’m not. It happens in layers. But you are working through those layers, and when you are in a place that it feels easier to congratulate yourself for all your hard work and progress, you have earned a celebration. 🙂

    And please know that we all care, and we understand how hard those moments are, those moments that tend to wake up the Inner Critic.

    Hugs and encouragement to you, K!

  3. Try to remember that you are worth this healing work… you are worthy of happiness… you are an AMAZING person with so much going for you…

    Saying that, I know that change and the associated uncertainties feed the inner critic like nothing else (besides criticism from parents, maybe). But the inner critic sees the world, and your actions from a particular viewpoint… Try to balance that where you can.

    Small steps… deep breathing… little acts of kindness towards yourself… all of these things add up, so please try them.

    You can do this… (((Kerro)))

    Take care
    CG

  4. Have you ever told your inner critic to f**k off?
    It helps sometimes, even if you secretly feel like siding with it, falsify a bit of bravado and say “shut the hell up! I don’t have anything to be ashamed about! So what? It didn’t work, it’s not the end and I’ll keep going and you can’t change that!”

    Then lick your wounds, try to be gentle with yourself and visualize how you will present this to T and how T might react…..

    Sometimes that works for me. Or a glass of wine or two (if your not in recovery 😉 )

    take care Kerr, lots of hugs..,,

  5. Ditto LifeisChange — the fact that you’re challenging yourself at all means that the Inner Critic has less of a hold, though I know it surely doesn’t feel like it when you’re being tortured by that awful voice.

    Everyone has setbacks — it’s not just you, and it’s part of the process … one of the nastiest parts, to be sure. But there is nothing wrong with you for feeling off-balance and hurt by that voice, or for feeling that you haven’t learned how to put it in its place yet. Progress comes in doses … like recognizing, for instance, that it *is* the Inner Critic. That, in and of itself, is huge.

  6. Pingback: You were right « Kerro’s Korner

  7. Kerro –
    I’ve been online now for about a year and have watched you come so far in such a short time – hang in there. You have provided so much to those of us here.

    Take care of yourself,
    OLJ

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