A number of you have remarked on how wonderful my post on “10 good things about falling apart” was, and how it might be helpful to others, particularly those starting out on their “healing journeys”. Thank you, I’m really quite flattered.
This post is to any newbies out there, and also to those of us who have been hanging in with this stuff for longer than we really care to remember.
I can’t quite believe I wrote the list of “10 good things”. I can’t believe that those changes happened, nor that I can see them.
When I started out on this healing jig, I thought the hell that surrounded me would never end. Hell, I didn’t even know it was a “healing”. Things got a helluva lot worse before they even looked like getting any better. Everything was dark and messy and frightening. I felt so utterly broken. I couldn’t see how those things would improve… let alone that I would get any “better” in a whole person kind of way.
But things did improve. They really did.
Trust me on this, because I’m not a sunshine and light kind of person. I don’t do cringe worthy, eye rolling affirmations to the mirror (vomit) and I’m certainly no Pollyanna.
But things do get better.
Unfortunately I can’t give you a timeframe on that. It’s different for each of us. You just gotta hang in there – day by day, hour by hour – even minute by minute if that’s what it takes. And believe me, some days, that’s exactly what it takes.
But just when you think you can’t do it anymore – really can’t do it – some light from somewhere shines in and helps you put one foot in front of the other again.
I’d love to tell you everything’s a bed of roses now, but it’s not. Some days are still hard. I still get triggered and flashbacky and weird out. But mostly – mostly – I can handle those things better now than I could before. And even when I’m struggling, I can at least say “this too shall pass”.
I’m reminded of a quote I’ve used before, which I’m going to requote, because it’s so apt:
“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” – Lance Armstrong
So even with all the cr@p I’ve been through, I wouldn’t go back to where I was. In a way I’m glad I’ve been through this hell because now I have my “10 good things”. I honestly don’t believe I’d have those now if it weren’t for the ride beforehand.
So, to all of you out there on your own healing journeys, hang in there. It gets easier, and it’s worth it. It really is.