The tears arrive

The tears are here.

I’m not sure if they’re post-operative tears, or therapist-poking-around-in-places-she’s-not-wanted-tears, or oh-my-god-my-wound-is-gaping-and-I-think-I-have-an-infection-tears, or just general my-life-really-is-cr@p-squooshed-all-over-the-abattoir-floor-tears. Whatever the reason, here are two songs I find oddly tear-jerking and comforting all at the same time. And the artist has one of the most amazing voices. I’ve been trying to distract myself with the movies, too.

I’m hoping my therapist is right and they are just post-operative tears and will go away.

“Into the West”

Lay down
your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey’s end.

Sleep now, and dream
of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.

“Why”

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I’m sorry for the things I’ve done
But when I start to try to tell you
That’s when you have to tell me
Hey… this kind of trouble’s only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That’s why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me…
Why
Why

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you’re thinking
And I’ve heard is said too many times
That you’d be better off
Besides…
Why can’t you see this boat is sinking
(this boat is sinking this boat is sinking)
Let’s go down to the water’s edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me…
Why
Tell me…
Why

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I’ll never tread
These are the dreams I’ll dream instead
This is the joy that’s seldom spread
These are the tears…
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?
’cause i don’t think you know how I feel
I don’t think you know what I feel
I don’t think you know what I feel
You don’t know what I feel

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7 thoughts on “The tears arrive

  1. Annie Lennox is so honest, so raw, and so healing. I love her, for decades. I’m sorry that you are going through this. If the wonder T thinks they are post op tears, then I think she probably knows they are. Good and healing thoughts to you and your body.

    Kate

  2. Kerro – Sorry you are down. If you have a gaping wound, I assume you had anesthesia with your surgery. Speaking from experience – that alone can mess up your thinking and takes awhile to clear. Best wishes….

    And Annie Lennox – again we agree on music – I love Why.

    OLJ

  3. @ Kate – thank you. I hope the Wonder T is right, too. I was doing well before this, so I dread to think it’s a backwards step.

    @ OLJ – thank you, too. Yes I had a general anesthetic, 3-4 hours of it. I’m hoping that is the major factor in messing up my thinking. I’m glad you like Annie Lennox as well. I think she’s awesome!

    Hugs to you both.

  4. No matter what the reason for the tears, know that people are here who care and are listening. Annie Lennox has strength and a calmness that is soothing and uplifting. Take comfort in her songs and take care of yourself…

    Sending warm safe hugs…
    CG

  5. Oftentimes, I find that tears are part of what we need to experience. My therapist has tried to help me not to judge too harshly these things… Perhaps this is grief… long held grief that needs to come out. I’ll be thinking of you…

  6. I hope that the post-operative wounds heal well and you’re completely healthy, soon. No matter what the reason of the tears, I think it’s good when the tears come. It’s a big step forward. I wish, that we could cry sometimes too. But we can’t.
    Thinking of you. Take care. (((())))

  7. @ Castorgirl – thanks gorgeous. I’m trying.

    @ Paul – funny you should mention grief. I’ve been reading over my journal from last year, and there’s a distinct theme. I hope to blog on that soon.

    @ Lost Shadow Child – thank you. Somehow the wonder therapist found the secret combination to my tears. Now there are times I can’t stop them. Hope you are ok, too.

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