Post-surgery update

Can you believe this? I’m three days out of hospital with a 20cm (8 inch) slash in my belly, and my mother says:

“Surely you must be feeling better by now?”

This is sooo not how I imagined this blog post starting, but really, who could let a comment like that slide by the blogosphere? (David, your airline ticket is already in the mail so you can come over here and slap some sense into her!)

As many of you know I had surgery last week. Surgery that didn’t exactly go according to plan. I was scheduled to have a laparoscopy for some gynae problems. Unfortunately, I started bleeding during the procedure and the surgeon had to open me up to stop the bleeding and then deal with the problems he went in there for in the first place. The surgeon said, “it was that or let you bleed to death.” I guess that’s pretty scary, although I’m still trying to comprehend it all.

The result? Nearly four hours under general anaesthetic, a 20cm (8 inch) slash in my belly and a very sore and bruised tummy. Oh, and a mother who makes ridiculous comments.

I seemed to be coping with my family and the whole Christmas charade quite well, with most of it passing in a post-surgery fog. Not even a pain killer fog because I’ve been too scared to take the “real” pain killers. But I’ve somehow survived, even things like my mother’s incessant and meaningless (but generally harmless) chatter; my father’s endless complaining; my mother and father yelling at each other; and even my father’s ridiculous comments about women being “baby factories”. Ugh.

I’ve survived. That is, until today. Until my mother’s comment, which has come closer to anything to tipping me over the edge.



13 thoughts on “Post-surgery update

  1. What an insane comment your Mum made! I had a lap that went fine and I was still taking it easy a week later…so I think you’re doing brilliantly to even be writing a blog post and thinking coherrantly. All the best.

  2. Thanks Sanity, and thanks Cat. It is an insane comment… I just wish I had the presence of mind and the strength to tell her so at the time.

  3. Hi Kerro. I’m sorry that your mother is so lacking in empathy. Being in denial of your pain means that she doesn’t have to suffer any pain herself. But sadly only increases your’s.

    I hope you do feel better very soon. Hang in there.

    Bearfriend xx

  4. Good grief. You mother has *negative* empathy… not just a lack… but somehow in the other direction. Please hang in there and feel better soon.

    I recommend that you take the pain pills if you’ve got ’em. It will help. I’ve had similar abdominal cutting… navel to pubic bone. It’s painful going and takes a while to heal. Being in pain just slows the process.

    Know that you have a whole posse of people rooting for you and your mom’s comments are just plain foolishness.

  5. Eeeuuwww. Why are some mothers just idiots? I had similar surgery when I was 26 years old. I lived 8 hours away from any family and I desperately wanted my mother to be there. I begged her to come. She and my dad finally came 3 days after surgery, stayed in the hospital for 30 minutes (I was awake for 15 of it) and then they left to go somewhere else to visit other family. Gee, that sure made me feel better. Mothers are idiots, I just make sure I never do that.

  6. Oh Kerro, I am so mad with your mother! How could she! I’m so sorry. 😦 I hope that you do feel better soon, but even more that you will feel able to rest and take all the time you need to get there. xx

  7. I get why you might not want to take painkillers if you wouldn’t feel safe being not ‘with it’ around your mom and father (who is your abuser?).

    Your mom sounds like a piece of work for sure. I’m wondering if there is an emotionally safer place to recuperate? At home with a friend looking in on you, maybe?

    Blessings to you and speedy healing.

  8. Dear Kerro,

    When there are challenges in life the dysfunctional really get rolling and get worse and worse. Sorry that is what you are dealing with. Eww seems to be my best response.

    I’m sorry that your surgery had complications. But so glad that you are here and posting again. And it is okay to slowly get better, that is normal for someone after surgery, for it to take time to get better.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


  9. Thanks everyone. I really appreciate your comments. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me that I’m not all better yet… your comments helped me realise this isn’t so. I’ve had major surgery and full recovery will take time. My mother’s issues about my recovery are her issues, not mine. I really needed the reminder, as well as your love and support. Thank you.

    Hugs and good wishes to you all.


  10. Uh, no — there’s nothing wrong with you. I remember when my mother had laparoscopic gallbladder surgery — minimally invasive, and she’s strong as a horse, and she was very fragile for a couple of weeks. And my friend Elissa, after a C-section, had to be very careful for a long time afterward — and that was a far less dangerous procedure than what you had done, esp. considering the fact that you had bleeding and, oh, I dunno — like, lifethreatening complications? What the HELL is wrong with your mother????

    Once you’re in a safe place, consider taking the painkillers — at least enough to get the edge off the discomfort. Your body will heal more easily if it is not stressed with a lot of pain.

    Slapping sense into your mother is no longer adequate. Now she needs a brain transplant.

  11. David, thank you again. My mother seemed to fluctuate between genuine caring – getting me cups of tea, breakfast in bed, etc and ridiculous comments like this. I don’t know what’s with her. I’m home now but don’t feel safe to take the opioids as I’m still experiencing flashbacks.

  12. Pingback: Searching for safety « Kerro’s Korner

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