That time of year

That time of year is fast approaching. Even faster for those of you in the States, with your special Holiday this week.

Now that Spring Racing is finished here, we are on the downhill run to Christmas. Every shop I go into is covered in Christmas shyte. Every shop is having pre-Christmas sales. The local department store has its famous Christmas windows up and running.

The streets aren’t quite drowning in giant trees and sparkly baubles yet. But they will be. The incessant headache-making carols haven’t started in earnest. But they will.

I know this time of year is incredibly triggering for many of us. I wish we could all bunker down somewhere safe and non-triggery and let this time pass. Even have a happy time together in a world where Christmas doesn’t exist – where there are no trees, no lights, and no merry freakin’ carols blasting in the shops.

I am hoping I am healed enough this year to get through unscathed. Or at least less scathed than last year.

This year I’m going to try to do things a little differently.

There’s a guy at work who does the Santa routine. He gives me the creeps. He uses the opportunity to have all the women sit on his knee and give him a kiss or to pinch them on the bottom. Yuck.  Most years I freeze in fear that he’ll come near me. This year I’m going to try to take control back from Creepy Santa and run to the toilet when he comes to my area. Probably not the “best” response – and certainly not as good as telling Creepy Santa to keep his hands off me – but all I can do at the moment. (This guy has a disability and I don’t think he means any of it in a creepy way.)

This year I’m going to spend as little time as possible in shops that are bursting with Festive Cheer. I’m determined not to go to any department stores, no matter how wonderful their windows. This year I’m doing my shopping differently. I’m shopping in local stores and buying things that are hand-made and either come to me in the mail, or from markets where the Festive Cheer generally isn’t so sick-making. I might even try to make some things myself.

This year I’m going to try to convince my family that we don’t need enough food to feed a small African nation when there are just three of us. I have recently discovered an enjoyment of cooking so I might even suggest I cook something “nice” – possibly some things from the man I now consider my favourite chef, even if they’re not very Festive (though I still want my mother to make her shortbread and yo-yos, they are too too yummy to pass up!). 

This year I’m going to try not to get too caught up in any of this Festive shyte. I’m going to try not to pressure myself. I’m even going to see if I can enjoy moments – long summer nights, long summer nights with friends, lying in the gardens at lunchtime, indulging in things I enjoy, like cooking and photography.

This year I’m hoping things can be different.

PS  I am still grappling with and confused/conflicted about the work stuff. Stay tuned.


2 thoughts on “That time of year

  1. I have a question about creepy Santa. Do you see him pinching guys butts? If not, then he means it in a creepy way.

    But what I’m most curious about is what is short bread and yo-yos? Do tell! It’s looking like I’ll be alone this Christmas and I, too am hoping for a better holiday and I might cook something special and I don’t know what to make. With your help, I might make your special meal! (If I’m not stepping on family recipes that aren’t given out). Thanks, Kerro, you’ve given me a great idea for Christmas and a new post of my own! You’re wonderful.

  2. Hi Kerro,

    He means it in a creepy way, trust me. I’m sorry, but twenty years ago he could get away with denying that. I don’t think that he can in this day and age, no matter what disability he has. There was a group in St. Paul during the annual winter carnival celebration that touched women inappropriately, for years and years. A few women maced them and after a few lawsuits they didn’t try to touch women anymore. I would hope that someone dumps a very cold drink onto his teenie peenie, and that would do the trick.

    I too am trying to do something different this December. I applaud you in all your healing efforts. You are a wonderful person and deserve to have a good month. Good and healing thoughts to you.


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