Feeling flat

Sorry, a brief interlude in my treatise on healing. I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus today. I’m feeling flat. Crushed and squished at the bottom of the pit. No one said the healing road was easy, did they?

  1. I went back to work today, after several days off sick. I feel so stressed being there. Completely out of my depth and serving no purpose. It’s exhausting. I don’t know where my motivation has gone, or how to get it back. It’s driving me nuts.
  2. My best friend has abandoned me, or at least that’s how it feels. We haven’t spoken for three weeks now, which is really unusual for us. Plus she’s ignored all the messages I’ve left for her. I know she’s got a lot on at the moment, but … well, and here’s the hideous selfish bit… she’s been such a rock for me. I can’t do this without her. I don’t know what to do without her. And I’m worried that I’ve done something wrong, though I’ve no idea what it is. I miss her. I want her back. I need her back. I even just need to know that things are ok between us. I don’t know what I’ll do if they’re not.
  3. I’m having a housewarming party next week, which I originally thought was a great idea. It’s the first time in… well, EVER that I’ve had a party and not been paralysed by fears about who will come (and who won’t), what my friends will think of each other, whether I will be a good host, whether the food will be any good… blah blah blah. Well, that was until my mother said she might not make it. For all her faults, I really would like her to come, but she can’t get a carer for my father. And he might need to go back into hospital for another blood transfusion. Is this the beginning of the end, as my doctor said it might be? Dare I think it? The blood transfusions are getting more frequent and not lasting as long … could he be mortal after all?

So that’s why I feel flat. Not much healing going on here today. Sorry folks.

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6 thoughts on “Feeling flat

  1. Hi Kerro,

    The downs are just as much a part of the healing process and as much healing goes on during them, it just isn’t obvious. Sometimes you don’t see it for a long time. I’m sorry you are dealing with so much. Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

  2. What Kate said.

    Everyone needs brief interludes now and then – is kinda sucky fact of life thing that gets in the way of building self-image akin to Superwoman. Which is unfair but realistic, I suppose. Then again, realism is overrated, don’t ya think? 😉

  3. @ Kate – thank you.

    @ Catatonic Kid – sucky indeed. Thanks for stopping by.

    @ OLJ – Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful today. May be tomorrow?

  4. Just wanted to say you’re not alone in feeling flat…I feel rather as though I’ve been run over by a steamroller 😦

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