Will I ever get over all that heinous sh1t from the past, or will it follow me around all my life and continue to sneak up on me when I least expect or need it?
I’ve been bummed most of the day with thoughts of the past. I don’t think I’m dwelling on anything in particular. Just things that keep popping into my head. Like how I never had a decent father. Like how I don’t really know how to relate to people because of him. Like how I’m scared of most people and what they’ll do to me. Like how my mother is wasting her life with him and there’s not a damned thing I can do about it, though I somehow feel it’s all my fault. And like how I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be healed enough to live a “normal” life – whatever that is.
Sometimes I think it would be easier if I wasn’t here.