Dear T –
Do you remember what we talked about at the end of my session today? I’m not sure what it was but somewhere between leaving your office and driving home I descended into a sad and anxious mess.
Was it your offer to move to a fortnightly appointment, and my childish fear that this means you’re trying to get rid of me?
Was it talking about the job and feeling like an incompetent fool for thinking I could apply for such a thing?
Was it the constant reminders that my life isn’t what I want it to be that dredged up all those feelings that it never will be (even though I know that’s negative and irrational)?
Was it going to the theatre and being surrounded by pregnant women and happy couples that reminded me of what I don’t have… potentially what I’ll never have?
And why do these thoughts lead immediately to thinking I shouldn’t bother… that I should just give up entirely?
Can we rewind and go back to my session and do something so this doesn’t happen? I almost prefer it when I’m thinking things will be ok, even if that is just a delusion.
From Miserable Me