Something amazing happened today. I unexpectedly caught up with one of my work buddies, who knows (and shares) a little of my experiences with depression. She doesn’t know about my past, but I’ve suspected for awhile that she’s part of the secret “club” of survivors.
We went for a coffee and caught up, sharing stories about work, life, our therapies, how the world is a different place when you start dealing with your demons, etc etc.
Talking about work… I was in tears talking about my current job, how I draaaaaaag myself in every day, my boss going postal at me this week, blah blah blah. Then I got to talking about jobs I’d glanced at in the newspaper, about the possibility of group therapy, issues that interest me, etc etc.
At one point my work buddy said to me: “Will you look at yourself?”
Work buddy: “Kerro, you look motivated. Your eyes lit up then, you look completely different when you talk about what you really want to be doing. You’d be great at that. You’re really good at x, y, z. You are wasted where you are.”
It wasn’t until I (and she) verbalised all this that I realised she’s absolutely right. My current job isn’t where I want to be or what I want to be doing. All the paper shuffling and bureaucratic politicking… it just isn’t me anymore.
So, what are the things I talked about that inspired me?
- Working in some sort of people-oriented role, strategic human resources, mentoring, coaching, or something like that
- Doing some group facilitation (I really like drawing out people’s ideas, their thinking, synthesising, helping them get to a ‘something’)
- Group therapy… I talked to my work buddy about my difficulties finding something and how I’d even be prepared to set something up
- Being in environments that are positive, supportive, and do some good in the world
- Wanting to work in an area of interest (yes, even if it does have to do with all that heinous shyt from the past)
This might all be just a pipedream but it felt so fantastic; so amazing to crystallise this and to see and hear – and, yes people, FEEL – the difference in myself talking about something of interest!
I want to hold onto this feeling FOREVER…