The Food Thing – Part 6: Post hoc ergo propter hoc

I’m a little over a week into the new anti-depressants and already I feel different. I felt different on the second day. Admittedly this could be taking up the new meds, ditching the old ones, both of these things or none of them. Initially I felt a bit weird, and super anxious, but mostly those symptoms have been manageable.

The impact on the Food Thing is bigger than I ever imagined. By Day 2 I was feeling less like a walrus. By Day 6 my appetite seemed less: I was no longer starving constantly and I could no longer shovel mountains of food into my body. Now I do actually feel sick when I do, and my body does ask me to stop. Wow. I can even discern when I’m actually hungry or not, and when I’m eating for emotional reasons, versus life sustaining ones.

Of course, noticing these things and actually doing something about them are two different things, but I guess the noticing is the first step?

Unfortunately the kilos I’ve gained haven’t magically fallen off. I’m still the fat kid – inside and out – but feel less like an overstretched balloon. I’m starting to feel less that something foreign is taking over my body over which I have no control…and more that perhaps there’s a way back to eating properly now.

There’s a Latin expression “post hoc ergo propter hoc”* – after it therefore because of it. Feeling less like a walrus; less like an over-stretched balloon, I can only conclude that the evil anti-depressants were indeed evil.

Of course, it’s only been a few days, and I’m still eating a fair quantity of cr@p, but time will tell. My therapist did say she thought I looked to be carrying less fluid. I am honestly praying to all implausible deities that I can get this under control. It’s hard enough being inside my head at the best of times, let alone when the Food Thing is totally out of control.

I’m going to leave the Food Thing alone for a while now. It’s been incredibly difficult sharing all this… but also very reassuring to know that I’m not alone. Thank you to everyone for your love and support.

*  *  * 

* Ok, I admit it. I’ve never studied Latin. I learnt this on The West Wing! 🙂

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6 thoughts on “The Food Thing – Part 6: Post hoc ergo propter hoc

  1. kerro,

    I’m glad to hear you are feeling less “walrus-like” and less like eating constantly. If you are comfortable sharing can you tell me what new drug you are trying.

    di

  2. Hi Kerro,

    I’m glad that you are feeling a result right away. You are right, this will take some time for the full effects to disappear. But it will be so much easier to recover now that you are not taking the evil med.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

  3. Congratulations for sharing what you did! You did remarkable. This is a process. You know that. And you know that this took a while to develop and will take a while to heal. The steps you are taking are going to bear fruit. I know they will. You are putting in too much effort and commitment for it not to.

    Thanks for the Latin. I took 4 years of Catholic high school latin, so this was a flashback for me! (in a good way!)

    paul.

  4. You do realise we would have been in blissful ignorance and mild awe about the Latin if you hadn’t told us 🙂

    I agree with the others, this is such good news! It’s amazing what a change in medication can do. That change in combination with all the work you’re doing on the underlying issues… If nothing else, just the change in your tone of writing within this posting is so good to see.

    Take care.

  5. Thank you everyone.

    @ Di – I’m reluctant to share publicly, but will email you.

    @ Kate – I’m glad too, although somewhat disappointed that the scary excess kilos have not magically fallen off. I guess you’re right and this will take time, but I’m terribly scared they won’t go away and I will end up the fat chick again. Very triggering/upsetting/scary for me.

    @ Paul – You’re right in that it’s a process. These posts were a lot harder at times than I anticipated. I’m often full of bright ideas and underestimate their impact. You’re welcome for the Latin; I’m glad I could bring you some happy memories. Sadly I have now exhausted my supply of nifty Latin phrases! 🙂

    @ Castor Girl – Damnit! I knew I shouldn’t have shattered your illusion. Perhaps I should have created a bigger illusion that I’m also fluent in classical Greek? 😉 I know I’ve said this before, but I never cease to be amazed that you can see change and growth in me, when I cannot see it for myself. I find it very puzzling.

  6. Hi Kerro,

    I’m sorry that this has been so triggering, upsetting, and scary for you. Which just shows how courageous you are being.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

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