The Food Thing – Part 1

A number of bloggers have written about food issues lately, whether it’s food sensitivities, eating disorders, addictions or just a generally f***ed up relationship with food (see Kate, Blooming Lotus, Life is Change and My Blue Funk for starters, though I’m sure there are others).

Funny how this is such a big issue for so many of us.

I’ve been toying with the idea of blogging about it for a while, but have been too afraid. It’s the same feeling I get when talking to my therapist – the intense fear that if I reveal what’s really inside you and she will all think I’m disgusting and run away in horror.

I’m slowly learning that I may not be as disgusting as I think I am and you may not all run away – this is “just” an irrational fear brought on by all the heinous sh*t from my past (some of you are no doubt uttering the words “trust” and “attachment”, but I’m not going there).

My fears about the Food Thing are so intense that I’ve been avoiding talking to my therapist about it for ages. I keep playing the “good client” to avoid inflicting more of my hideousness on her. I finally mustered the courage to drop a “last minute bomb” last week. Not really much to report, but I’ll let you know if anything comes up.

Anyway, I thought I’d be brave and post here on the Food Thing – and its close friends the Weight Thing and the Body Image Thing. These Things have loomed large for me for as long as I can remember. My therapist says these are all intertwined, and all linked to my past. I guess that makes treating any one of them more difficult.

Today I finally sat down to write a quick post on food intolerances for dear Kate … eight pages later, I’m still here. Don’t worry, I won’t inflict it all on you – not all at once, anyway. But I will devote my next few posts to exploring the Food Thing.

Two things I’m learning from blogging: firstly, the writing is helpful in a journalistic-processing way and secondly, I can be pretty much guaranteed that I’m not the only person in the world experiencing something – and your words of support, encouragement, shared experience, etc are so helpful and mean so much to me. Even if these posts only serve one of those purposes, I’m hoping they’ll be beneficial to someone.

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13 thoughts on “The Food Thing – Part 1

  1. Kerro, Good for you for taking this on. Food issues, I think, are rooted in secrecy. So, I would only caution you about how you approach this and make sure all of you is okay with what you will eventually say. For many of us, food issues are not to the point where they take over our lives. Many of us know that place, and I think it’s important to distinguish between an all-encompassing disorder and the day-to-day difficulties we sometimes face. I have a little bit of a defeatist attitude about it. I think eating difficulties will be something that will be with me forever, just that they flare up at various times and to various degrees. Paul.

  2. There is no such thing as “just” an irrational fear. Fear is fear. And it may be irrational, but it’s never dismissible as a “just.” You have every right and reason to be fearful and cautious, just as you have the right to take risks when it feels like a good space and place to do so.

    I think you’re very brave, thinking about sharing territory that looks so full of land mines. I also think that it’s one of those things people have a lot of shame around, and that when people do share, it can bring a lot of relief and comfort to those who feel alone.

    I definitely have issues with food as well; I think a lot of trauma survivors do. I’m very good at managing my issues, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a daily struggle. I think you’ll find that many of us know how you feel.

    xo,
    David

  3. You inspired me, Kerro. T and I talked about the Food Thing yesterday, and I decided to be brave and write about it a little more openly than I might have otherwise, after I saw that you broached the topic as well.

    I agree, the Weight Thing and the Body Image Thing might be a bit more difficult, but one Thing at at time, right?

    Well, actually, for me, the Food Thing is harder to talk about then the Weight Thing, but the Body Image Thing is someThing else.

    Hope you are doing well today!

  4. Thank you all for your love and support. The Food Thing is definitely rooted in secrecy and shame and guilt, so much shame and guilt. I’m glad I’m not alone and that perhaps some of my ramblings might be useful to others.

    This is definite land mine territory. It’s kind of funny what you say about making sure I’m comfortable and in a safe space to reveal all. Looking over what I’ve written about this issue I realised that much of it is purely fact. There’s no emotion there. I’ve managed to pump out 8 plus pages of fact without any feeling whatsoever. Quite bizarre but possibly indicative of the space I’m in.

    Stay tuned…

  5. Well K…the Weight thing and the Body Image thing are most sensitive to me. In fact I have danced the subject on blog, but I’m not real comfortable with it. I don’t have a food issue though, so maybe I’ll ease into it with the rest of you and see what happens. I’m with you though!

  6. Be brave and be gentle on yourself. Possibly the factual approach is what you need to do for now? Sort of like testing the water and then standing back to see the reaction.

    Take care…

  7. Ah yes, the food issue. My goodness … that’s a tough one for me too. Just to say I’m a compulsive overeater makes my skin seem more alive … just typing it! I’ve never said it out loud to anyone other than my therapist! And look at all the exclamation marks I’m using in this comment! lol All kidding aside it’s such a private issue and full of so many intense emotions.

    I’m afraid I’m not as kind to my therapist as you – I share pretty much everything. I know she’s heard it all and probably more. That’s her job. But I know what you mean. It’s really hard to talk about such intense things and once you say them out loud – or type them, they seem even more real. It can be scary but I’ve found, like you have, that once you do you find an awful lot of support. So I say ‘way to go’ to you for doing this post.

  8. Pingback: The Food Thing – Part 2: the Weight Thing and the Body Image Thing « Kerro’s Korner

  9. Thank you for writing this and sharing. I’m struggling with my own upbringing as well as parenting my adopted daughter who has an incredibly different body type from my own. Even if I’m lurking, I’m learning and I wanted to say thank you for sharing.

  10. Hi Kerro,

    Yeah I have all three things. I wrote some about my things in the aftereffects list and it is not pretty. I know what you mean about that.

    I wanted to make a comment about what you said about the writing about this stuff and it being without emotion. Sometimes it takes a while for our emotions to catch up to us when we are doing healing work and adressing difficult and painful topics. It will come. It is okay to be where you are at and it will come. Sometimes we work so fast it takes a while for the emotions to catch up to our healing work.

    Those who can love and support us can look at that stuff and it is not something that would ever sway them from being supportive to us. I know that fear… of being abandoned, of someone seeing the ugliness that our shame and fear cautions us to hide. It is very brave of you do reach out and share about this.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

  11. Pingback: The Food Thing – An interlude « Kerro’s Korner

  12. Hey there Kerro…sorry I’ve not stopped by for a while but Di’s comment re this on the forum made me come over. I’m so sorry you are struggling with this and think it’s very brave to even enter the territory. I don’t feel overly qualified to talk on this subject because as I typed (and then deleted) what I just wrote it became about me and that’s not what’s needed here so perhaps I’ll lurk but send you my warmest thoughts and hugs for your bravery and ability to face the issues head-on.

    ((Kerro))

  13. Pingback: The Food Thing Part 834 – or: Progress? Or not? « Kerro’s Korner

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