A number of bloggers have written about food issues lately, whether it’s food sensitivities, eating disorders, addictions or just a generally f***ed up relationship with food (see Kate, Blooming Lotus, Life is Change and My Blue Funk for starters, though I’m sure there are others).
Funny how this is such a big issue for so many of us.
I’ve been toying with the idea of blogging about it for a while, but have been too afraid. It’s the same feeling I get when talking to my therapist – the intense fear that if I reveal what’s really inside you and she will all think I’m disgusting and run away in horror.
I’m slowly learning that I may not be as disgusting as I think I am and you may not all run away – this is “just” an irrational fear brought on by all the heinous sh*t from my past (some of you are no doubt uttering the words “trust” and “attachment”, but I’m not going there).
My fears about the Food Thing are so intense that I’ve been avoiding talking to my therapist about it for ages. I keep playing the “good client” to avoid inflicting more of my hideousness on her. I finally mustered the courage to drop a “last minute bomb” last week. Not really much to report, but I’ll let you know if anything comes up.
Anyway, I thought I’d be brave and post here on the Food Thing – and its close friends the Weight Thing and the Body Image Thing. These Things have loomed large for me for as long as I can remember. My therapist says these are all intertwined, and all linked to my past. I guess that makes treating any one of them more difficult.
Today I finally sat down to write a quick post on food intolerances for dear Kate … eight pages later, I’m still here. Don’t worry, I won’t inflict it all on you – not all at once, anyway. But I will devote my next few posts to exploring the Food Thing.
Two things I’m learning from blogging: firstly, the writing is helpful in a journalistic-processing way and secondly, I can be pretty much guaranteed that I’m not the only person in the world experiencing something – and your words of support, encouragement, shared experience, etc are so helpful and mean so much to me. Even if these posts only serve one of those purposes, I’m hoping they’ll be beneficial to someone.