Back up therapist says I need to learn to self-soothe. To stop being toxic to myself; be kind to myself; nurture myself; be a “good mother” to me.
This is so alien. I’m not even really sure what it means. I often relax in front of mindless television at the end of a hard day, but back up therapist says that’s “self-distraction” – not self-soothing.
Back up therapist says that when I know I’m going to have a tough day, I should plan to nurture and sooth myself at the end of it, just as I plan for the toughness of the day itself.
That I should treat myself as I would treat someone else in the same situation. What would be nice for that person to come home to at the end of a tough day? How would I treat a kid after a rough day at school? Would I say to them, “you’ve just had a tough day with exams etc – now go and flog yourself studying a bit more”? No, I wouldn’t. I’d offer them comfort.
Things like long hot baths, relaxing music, crisp sheets, fresh flowers, comfy pyjamas*, candles, meditation… whatever works.
Favourite foods might also be nurturing, but for some us can also be the fast road to negativity and self-loathing.
Like anything new, back up therapist says I’ll need to practice this and learn to actually do it (not just think about it).
I have done one thing this week that could be nurturing: when I’m tired and cold I like to lie on the floor in front of the heater. It’s cosy (even if the floor is hard). Ok, it might not be as good as a long hot bath, but I’d feel too guilty wasting all that water.
* Back up T says comfy jamies are only good if they’re not the old ones that make you feel like a grub! LOL