I had my second consult with the psychiatrist this week. Unlike the first session, it didn’t go so well. I was incredibly upset after the session, and now that I’ve processed a bit more, I’m also getting kinda angry. (Ok, I’m ropable!)
The main purpose of this session was for the psychiatrist (I’ll call him p-doc) to go through his “assessment and management plan” for me. I think this is just psychobabble for a “letter” he’s sending to the GP who referred me to him.
A few things stood out for me:
- The session started badly when he asked me how my kids are. What? What kids? Basically he’d screwed up and confused me with someone else. Ordinarily I would say this is unforgiveable, but he has only met me once before, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. At least he had my paperwork in front of him and not the other person’s.
- The letter. Within the first couple of paragraphs he’s gave my GP a detailed account of my child abuse history (which she knows nothing about), my current relationship with my father and how I wanted him to die, my “history” of drug and alcohol use (which hasn’t been an issue for over 15 years), “his” diagnosis of depression and PTSD and my associated symptoms, and a bunch of other stuff I have pretty much obliterated from memory.
- The letter upset me and I got quite angry. He told me to stop reacting to him like he’s my father; that he’s not my father. I know that. I told him I know that. I also said “yes, I think you’d call this transference, would you not?” That shocked him a little bit. Is everything transference with these people? Can’t you get annoyed with someone without them calling it “transference”? Geez.
- He told me it’s a good thing most of my friends are female, because men usually just think about sex when they have a friendship with a woman. Excuse me, what the…? A little unusual, but fits with his sexual comments from the first session. Is everything about sex with him? Perhaps I should ask him about counter-transference next time?
- He wants to use the letter to “educate” my GP about mental health issues. Noble aim, just don’t use me as your vehicle please.
- In reading the letter out, he felt the need to define “complex” clinical terms for me – things like “depression” and “insomnia”. Oh please… give me a break. (By this time, he was just making me mad. Can you tell?)
- At the end, he said that he gets the sense I want to be treated as an “equal” and to be “respected”. Really? No sh1t Sherlock. Did I have to pay him $485 for this piece of wisdom?
- As I was leaving, his receptionist was busy so I said I’d ring her to make another appointment. His response: “When? When will you ring?” By this time I wanted to yell and scream at him – “Listen, I’m not an unreliable, drug-crazed psychotic lunatic, so don’t treat me like one!” – but I was too upset and only just holding things together as it was.
In fairness, I’d have to say there were a few good things about the session:
- He apologised for the letter upsetting me so much. And he acknowledged me when I said I felt bullied, and betrayed. I also felt patronised, but I’ll save that to tell him next time.
- He agreed he won’t send the letter until I’m happy with its contents (although does have some “medico-legal obligations” to fulfil).
- He talked about doing meditation with me. Good. This would work for me, and would complement the work I’m doing with my regular therapist.
- He talks quite a bit about sitting with emotion. Feeling it, and letting it pass. Not responding as I have in the past – although that probably served me well once. Good for me to learn this stuff.
In all, I hated the session. I hated him and the way he made me feel. I hated the way I reacted to him. I feel like I turned into a nasty troll again when I was there. I haven’t seen that side of me for awhile, and I don’t wish to.
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Thankfully I had an appointment with my regular therapist straight after, so I cried my way through the drive to her office. Thank those copulating implausible deities for her, is all I can say.
I know some of you have said this guy sounds like a quack. I’m not sure. I’m torn because if he’s really no good, what then? I know I’ll blame myself for it not working (and worry that my therapist will also blame me).
A friend suggested I see if I could find if any complaints have been lodged against this guy. I looked, but so far have found nothing. He’s a model citizen. B@st@rd.
I’d like to discuss all this with him next time, but I obviously need to calm down a bit first. I really hate confrontation, so I’ll probably just chicken out anyway.