I have painters at my place today smartening up the outside of the windows.
The sounds of the scraping, the constant, endless scraping of old paint is turning out to be a trigger for me.
It’s weird because it’s not accompanied by any visual flashbacks, as often happens, just physical things – a tightening, like someone is squeezing my insides; jumpiness and shaking. I can feel my shoulders tense up, and my body is very curled, sort of shrunken, if that makes sense. Like I’m cowering in the corner. Headache building as well. Very unpleasant and very weird.
The man chopping wood next door has a similar effect – specifically the clatter of each piece of wood as it falls on the concrete, although there are sometimes visuals with that. But that doesn’t last as long and is more easily shut out by the closing of doors.
I am trying not to get too caught up in this – just to observe my reactions and figure a way out. I may be over sensitive as I’m still unwell. For the moment I am staying present enough to observe what’s going on. That’s gotta be a good thing, right?
It’s disappointing, though. I had thought I was making some progress with this stuff.
Might get out of the house for a while.