I was lying in hospital the other day, feeling fairly average (ok, I was feeling RS). My doctor came to check me out and, I thought, to discharge me, but no. He wanted me to stay longer to get pain and other things under control and would come back at 2pm. Ordinarily I would think “hmph” in that situation, but I must have been feeling pretty bad because I didn’t care.
My mother arrived, which I thought was nice until she started complaining about how expensive the parking was and now she’d have to pay for about 4 hours parking, instead of just 1 … Sorry about that, Mum.
By 2:10pm her patience waiting for the doctor was being tested.
By 4:30pm I was getting anxious. Actually, I wasn’t, but my mother was definitively grumpy about the doctor being late, and that made me anxious. So I decided to make balloons out of the rubber gloves in the nurses’ kit.
One balloon in and I felt my groin “pop”. Ouch. Then I couldn’t move my leg up and down. Double ouch.
I called the nurse and she checked me out (hiding her laughter, as I was – when I wasn’t panicking that is). Just a hematoma. Phew. She said: “no more blowing up balloons, you!” Ok. She didn’t get any arguments from me on that front.
Now I have a MASSIVE bruise in my groin, all colours of the rainbow. Actually it’s a string of bruises, mostly blackish purple extending from my groin half way up to my belly button and half way down my thigh. Still getting darker.
Lesson: don’t blow up balloons (or rubber gloves) the day after surgery.