A letter to my therapist

T –

Left a phone message for you today. Haven’t heard from you. Dark voice says you hate me; rational voice says you’re busy. Hoping rational voice right.

Hard day. Hard few days. Struggling with dark thoughts. Exacerbated by mother and some stupid shoes. (And you said I wasn’t crazy???)

Nearly did the unthinkable today, but stepped away from the edge (and I mean that literally).

You’ve asked before what stopped me? Silly thing – you say you see something worthwhile in me, even if I don’t. May be one day I will.

Rational voice saying I did a good thing. Showed strength and courage. Dark voice not happy.

Tempted to cancel phone message. Can’t bear the thought of you not returning my call. Easier to imagine you don’t hate me, than to know that you do.

Sleeping now.

Kerro

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11 thoughts on “A letter to my therapist

  1. Kerro, I hope you hear from your T. I’m glad you stepped away from the edge. Your life is meaningful to many of us, and maybe, someday, will be meaningful to you. Be well. Be safe.

    I’m off to have my cortisone shot this afternoon, but will be back late afternoon/early evening (my time). Ping me on email if you want to talk.

    ((((kerro))))

  2. Thanks everyone for your support. I’m doing a lil better, but it’s still a moment by moment thing. I’ll check back.

  3. Kerro hun, I am sorry I didn’t see this before. I’m so glad you decided not to step over the edge.
    Please do what you need to do to stay safe.
    Thanking of you xxx

  4. ((((Kerro))))
    I just dropped by to have a look around. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I hope it gets better soon. It is not a good place to be– the edge. Why don’t you come inside and cozy up with all of us for a little while. Stay for a long visit with lots of love and support.

  5. ((((Kerro)))) Thanks for stepping back! You are part of our family and we want you to stay. Reach out if you can, we’re all hangin on theraposse at some point or another. One day at a time….many hugs!

  6. Pingback: Sobbing. More wretched sobbing. « Kerro’s Korner

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