Thank you everyone for your support and your comments on my work situation, both here and at the forum. After much agonising, I think we finally have a solution.
Kojak and I have negotiated for me to move back into my position – in a part time capacity, with some working from home, and with a reduced workload. I have a number of big projects on the go at the moment, and a team of about 16 people. I’m going to keep about half of those projects (with people), and Kojak will oversee the rest. Thankfully the team is pretty high functioning, so this shouldn’t be an issue.
I think this is a better solution for me than stepping aside as I still get to do “meaningful” work, feel like I have a purpose, and work with my team (I’m finding it much easier to direct things than do them myself at the moment). By “meaningful” I guess I mean I’ll be able to shuffle papers that people are actually interested in from one side of the desk to the other, instead of shuffling papers that NO ONE is interested in. That’s probably not entirely fair, but you know what I mean.
My therapist thinks this is a much better solution than resigning, that’s for sure. Hmmm….
I think it’s ok, although I’m a bit stressed about the workload. I’ve done 3 days a week in the office for the last two weeks and I’ll confess that it’s nearly killed me. I’m so exhausted, highly stressed all day every day, and fluctuate between floating along in a daze and zooming along in a panic. God knows how I used to do the hours that I did BC (Before Craziness). I’m trying to remind myself that I have to take small steps, not wig out about anything too much, etc etc. I’m still quite unsettled and fragile, so it’s a bit of a struggle at the moment.
Kojak and I are going to try this for a few weeks until I have a second round of surgery. Then we’ll review.
On another note one of my senior team members (B1) came to me yesterday to say she wanted me to know that she and one of my other senior team members (B2) support me 110%, in a personal and professional sense. If I want to talk to them about anything at all, they’re there for me on a personal level (and will keep quiet). She said that they want to support me, but aren’t sure how because my walls are so high. I was blown away by her caring.
I’m not really sure what to do. Of course I was touched that she and B2 care. But I was also a little suspicious that they are just fishing for information (realistically I think I’m being paranoid about that).
Part of me thinks I should respond in kind by telling them more about what’s going on for me; but other parts don’t want to go there and don’t think this is appropriate. I’m really not sure what to do… any thoughts gratefully received.
I’ll keep you updated on any major developments on the work front, so stay tuned…